To The One Watching Me From Heaven, I Miss You More Than You’ll Ever Realize

Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face—I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself. -Nicholas Sparks

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. You’re often on my mind and I can’t help but wonder how different life would be if you were still with walking, breathing, living on this earth with us. I miss you so much. 

I think about all the things we could be doing together, the special moments we could be sharing and the new memories we could be creating. I wonder about the different path our lives would be on if you were still around and it breaks me inside to realize it’s all wishful thinking.

My heart is still foreign to the idea of not having you around.

I catch myself trying to call you, an involuntary reaction to my desperate need of not wanting to accept that you’re gone. It hurts, it burns my soul and I try to keep it together, but the truth is, I carry a heavy heart and I don’t know if I’ll ever recover.

I know that life should go on and that with time the pain will subside. I know you wouldn’t want me to live my life in grief and pain but I can’t help to shed tears when our memories still feel so recent and so real. I’m just not ready to go on with my life while I still carry you so close to my heart.

Maybe I’m afraid to forget every single second we spent together, the sound of your voice, your laugh and even the deepness of your eyes.

Even if I don’t think that could ever be possible, I fear that if I ever come to terms with your departure, the memory of you will fade away.

So, I’m sorry I can’t move on, I’m sorry I cry at night and hope for the impossible. I can’t turn back time and bring you back, but at least I can try to retain every single memory of you fresh in my mind for longer.

I have to believe that you’re watching me from heaven. I’d like to think that you’re an angel protecting and guarding us all.

I promise to continue living my life honoring yours. Whatever I do and wherever I go, I’ll always feel your sparkle in my heart. I hope to make you proud and that wherever you are, you’re able to feel how much I remember you and love you.