To the Nice Girl Who "Tries Too Hard", Don't Ever Change

There is a rare type of girl out there, who just naturally tries unbelievably hard in relationships. Friendships. Actual relationships. She’s just that girl who is always doing things for others, it seems like she’s trying too hard, but in actuality it comes very naturally to her. There are just some people who are born with the instinct, of pleasing others and going above and beyond what is asked of them. 

It leaves the person on the receiving end, feeling a little bad, because they don’t understand someone who does thing for others, just to do them, without wanting anything in return. But that’s exactly it. This person just wants to make you happy, and let you know you matter. 

I remember being in high school, my best friend at the time, stopped me as I was cooking for him in the middle of hosting a party. “Kir. Stop you don’t have to do all this for me."? But what he didn’t know, was I wanted to. It made me happy, making him happy. 

When I went to college, I used to buy my teammates all birthday gifts and cards. All 16. One night out drinking, they pulled me aside, “Kirsten, please don’t buy us presents anymore. We’re broke as f*ck and can’t get you anything."? But what they didn’t know, was I didn’t want anything. I really just wanted them to know they matter.   

So to the girl, who is anything like me, the girl who tries too hard, the one who is called a brown nose or goodie goodie, don’t ever change who you are for anyone. 

We are one of the rare people there are out there. And yes, you are going to come across people who will take advantage of you. But more than that, it is the people who are different, that are the ones who change others. 

Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world."? 

It’s an ugly world, and the people who are kinder and try harder, see this more than the average person. But if you see an ugly world and want to make prettier, start with yourself. Start with being yourself. Take pride in who you are. Own it. Run with it. Have confidence. Because a lot of people are gonna try and shake you. They are gonna try and change you. Their bitter hearts will try and turn yours black, then they will become angry, when they see you still haven’t changed. Because it isn’t an act. It isn’t something you are doing to get people to like you. It’s who you are. And who you are is beautiful. Who you are, is going to make the world around you a better place. 

So when someone tell you stop trying. Don’t. 

I sat having a beer with someone I cared a lot about and looked up to, and he said to me, “no one cares about you. No one cares about your problems. It’s your job to look out for yourself, if you want to make it."? I politely listened, knowing how wrong he really was. And I couldn’t change him or his mindset, but I wasn’t going to let his mindset change me, and who I was. 

Nice people don’t finish last. I have more relationships I have maintained being who I am, than I know what to do with sometimes. There isn’t a person in my past I couldn’t call up right now and ask for a favor. That’s because how you treat people matter. The impact you have on people and the way you make them feel about themselves, gets remembered for long after you are gone. 

I don’t remember the things I do for people, because it comes so naturally. I don’t expect anything in return. I do things because I know I might be different but I embrace it. I take pride in it. More than anything there isn’t a person or a negative situation that has been able to change me. 

The world is an ugly place. It is full of violence and selfish people. But every once in awhile we come across someone who seems to not be fazed, by everything going on around them. They focus on themselves and the people in their lives, making sure to add a little bit of beauty to it. 

I promise you, the kind person will always win and come out on top. 

 “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel."?? Maya Angelou

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