This is How You Lose Him (Without Even Realizing It)

*For the sake of emotional accuracy, this article was written with the help of a male perspective and is a follow up to the author’s previous article: This is How You Lose Her.*

You lose him when you don’t choose him.

You lose him when you make him solve a riddle he doesn’t have the clues to. When you play a game, but don’t let him play along. You lose him when you don’t let him in and calm the wind that’s causing the storm in the first place.

You lose him when you have no sense of self, no idea of what makes you who you are. Or when you don’t show these things to him, because all he wants is to know them and to love you for them.

You lose him when you don’t include him.

When you leave him stranded on an island of his own, cutting off all the lines of communication. When you disregard his feelings as you speak to him, even on a subject you disagree about. You lose him when you don’t show him the silver lining if he’s lost in a muddle. When you don’t roll up your sleeves to work on important issues together, and leave him on a team of his own, a team of one.

You lose him when you don’t make him a priority. When you put him second, third, and fourth. When you can’t commit, like when you can’t decide on a radio station, because you think a better song is playing on the next one.  Because when you’re truly in love with someone, they are all you see and all you hear.

You lose him when you stop believing in a future together.

When you start making conditions for the future, want to change them. Because when you’re already committed to someone, you know and accept them for who they are, unless they show you a new side, a side that hurts you.

You lose him when you refuse to compromise, when you only put yourself first, and can’t turn a “me??? into a we.??? You lose him when you don’t spell out what you want. When you expect him to act a certain way without even telling him what that is. Because he’s not a mind reader, he doesn’t have the same intuition you do.

But this… This is how you keep him.

You keep him through your warm smile and the soft, comforting touches that whisper “I’m here for you,??? even if it’s not vocalized. But you also keep him when you do put it into words – because sometimes he needs that verbal encouragement.

You keep him when you recognize that he can’t express all of his emotions at once. When you let him jump through his emotional hurdles in his own time, but by also letting him know what your boundaries are. Because when he’s going through something, he needs to process it alone, pick it thoroughly apart in his head, until he forms a conclusion.

You keep him when you relate to him the second he does finally express his feelings. When you build him up, instead of wear him down. 

You keep him when you think of him.

When you demonstrate his significance to you, through your actions and the priceless gestures that speak volumes. When you show him that you care about his opinions, by asking for them, no matter how big or small the topic may be. You keep him when you acknowledge him, make him feel important, and remind him that his thoughts matter.

When you let him shield you from your fears, and guide you towards your hopes and dreams.

You keep him when you choose him.

You keep him when he feels like your protector, and that you’re his guardian angel. When you show him that he’s infiltrated his way into your life, your heart, and your mind. When you allow him to be there, physically and mentally, beside you, every step of the way.

You keep him when you don’t leave him hanging, making him wonder if you’re still there or not. You keep him when you reach out to him, in darkness and in light, when you take his side, and let him know that you are, in fact, playing on the same team, a team of two. 

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