Your friends tell you, your parents tell you—sh*t, even their friends say something to you about it. There comes a time in some relationships where everyone starts telling you that you’re way too good for the person you’re dating. While I’m never one to say that you should believe when people tell you things about your relationship when they’re not involved in it—there are some key moments in your life where people are doing you more good than harm. If you’re constantly fighting with yourself to decide if the person you are with is “good” for you, there may be a bigger picture problem that you’re ignoring completely.
If you’re the one who is constantly going out of your way, giving 100% when they give maybe 45%, the one reaching out, the one making plans, the one who calls/texts first – there could be a very, very big reason. You may just be too good for the person you’re currently dating.
1. The people who know you best think you deserve better.
While you may not want to believe everything other people say about your own, personal life – the people who know you best are only going to want what’s best for you. If they’re telling you that you deserve better, finding reasons for you to leave the person you’re with – there could be a very good reason for it. They want you to be happy and also want you to be treated the way in which you deserve. Maybe you need to wake up and smell the coffee of the reality of things, no matter how much you love someone, they may not be the best person for you.
2. The person you’re with is jealous, insecure or always picking fights.
If you’re the type of person who allows your significant other to have freedom and independence, but they don’t reciprocate, it’s a big red flag. Jealousy and insecurity at times can be something to manage and work on in a relationship, but if someone is unwilling to change, you can’t force them. You can’t be allowing someone to have their freedom but be forbidden to do things, say things or wear things that you want at someone else’s expense. Don’t let someone stomp all over you, who you are and what you bring to the table.
3. You’re constantly paying more often than you should.
No one person in a relationship should be picking up the tab all of the time. All relationships should be equal and fair, but sometimes, people don’t hold their fair share of things. You can’t constantly be shelling out money and covering tabs, bills, and other expenses because your partner would rather spend their money on themselves or other things. It should always be equal – while it won’t always be in some situations – they should at least make the effort.
4. You’re putting in way more effort for just about everything.
You’re the one making plans, you’re the one reaching out. You cook, you clean, you even reach out to their friends to make plans as a group. If someone is not making an effort consistently with you and you’re doing way more than they do – they’re becoming complacent with the idea that you will always be around to baby them. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Someone out there will make more or equally as much effort to be with you, find them.
5. They don’t remember the little things.
Little things are important to a relationship’s bigger picture. If you’re the one remembering holidays, birthdays and anniversaries and they cannot be bothered to even pick you up a card, it means they don’t care enough to do so. It’s not as though they can forget when people are reminded of birthdays on Facebook literally every day. There’s no reason someone cannot remember that the little things go a long way.
6. They’re clueless of problems in your relationship.
If someone is not aware of things that upset you or hurt you, it’s because they aren’t paying enough attention to details. This correlates to them not caring about you and your emotional wellbeing. If you’re constantly trying to make changes to benefit them and their issues within your relationship but they are unable to reciprocate or take the time out to actually listen to why things upset you, they are obviously not going to do so in the future. Treat yourself with respect and learn when you need to walk away.
7. They don’t listen when you explain their toxic behaviors to them.
People in relationships often experience tidbits (or full-blown) aspects of toxic behaviors and dating trends. When you explain to your partner why things bother you and how they can be negative for you, them and your relationship in its entirety, they should be open-minded and willing to listen, even if it does hurt them. Relationships should be about growth, not about staying stagnant.
8. You’re constantly doing for them when they never do for you.
Going out of your way to surprise them with little things here and there is sweet – but, when you’re going out of your way all the time to get their favorite food, beer, candy, etc. and they hardly ever go out of their way for you, there comes a point where you need to stop and open your eyes. Sure, making them happy in turn makes you happy, but at what cost? When are you ever going to make you happy for you instead of doing for others?
9. They make you feel insecure or unworthy constantly.
The person you’re dating should be proud of you and always make you remember that. They shouldn’t be tearing you down for the way you like to dress and the things you are interested in. They should also not compare you to other people – ex’s, actors/actresses, etc. If they are telling you that you need to make changes to your appearance or other things just to make them feel “better” about dating you, then you should find someone new to date who is proud of you all of the time.
10. You cry yourself to sleep because you’re unhappy or unsatisfied.
I’ve been here, I’ve done this. The biggest red flag of any red flag in a relationship is when you feel so bad about it, it brings you to tears. Do not ever let a person make you feel bad about yourself, so much so, that you go to bed unhappy and unfulfilled. There are people out there that will never let you go to bed sad. That will make you happy. And, while no relationship will ever be perfect and every relationship has their own problems, do not ever sacrifice your wellbeing and happiness for someone who half-loves you.