I Walked Away, But It's Still Not Easy

I last told you, as we parted ways I’d always love you even in your absence. But that doesn’t mean it’s been easy for me.

There have been nights, where I just wanted to reach out to you but I feared doing so because I was afraid you didn’t want to hear from me.

I honestly thought you hated me at one point and caving would be weakness and I would just be another thing you regret in your past.

But easy is the last word I’d ever use to describe not having you in my life. Yeah, I made the decision. Yeah, I might have been the one to walk away. Yeah, I might have deleted your number. But there are still times I look back and hope you do too.

We’re each too stubborn to ever cave or admit we miss each other. I thought if I moved far enough away, I wouldn’t look back.

But no matter where I go or who I see you’re right there with me. Haunting me in a way. Because you’ve never really been gone. You hold a piece of my heart I don’t think I’ll ever get back. And if ever I feel far away from you, I look down and I can feel you there. So there really was no escaping you this whole time. Because a large part of who I am, the parts I like most about me, have always been you.

I know I’m strong enough to walk alone. I know I don’t need you. But what about those times when I just want you.

What about those moments where I just fall to my knees and I need someone to remind I’m beautiful. What about those times when the entire world is against me and I still hear your voice telling me not to listen. Unfortunately, I need you. And I think you like being needed by someone.

Nothing about us has ever been simple. From every intimate moment that made me want more. To every thought that dances in my mind of fantasies. It’s always been you.

And I don’t think our souls were meant to be separated.

Plato once wrote, “"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

I kind of hate that I found you. More than that I hate that I lost you. Because no matter where I look there isn’t someone more compatible for me, than you. I’ve tried to fight it, we both have but I do believe it's supposed to be us at the end of all of this.

I once told you don’t come back, but I think I’m an idiot for asking such things. Because just as if you were to ask me something and I’d do it. You do whatever I ask too.

More than anything I think we deserve each other. We deserve to make it. We deserve to be that story that ends beautifully. While we don't have the ability to control where we came from, we do have a say in where we go from here. Our story is and will always be my favorite.

I love you more than anyone and anything. And it hasn’t been easy, and I’d be lying to myself if I said, you aren’t every thought. Because you are. You are every thought. You are every hope. You are every wish I still hope will come true. And if ever there is a moment you want to come back, my arms have only ever wanted you, even in those times I’ve held others.

Yours all but truly,


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