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How To Reach Out To Your Ex Without Being The Absolute Worst

It would be a beautiful lie if I said I never thought about any of my exes, and I think that is the case for most people. Of course we are curious to see where our old partners have ended up. We want to know that the one who treated us poorly has moved back into their parent’s basement and we want to stalk our first boyfriend from middle school to see how he turned out after getting his braces off and hitting puberty. While we are not ashamed to admit that we think about our exes, many times we don’t want to admit something about at least one of them: that we want to reconnect with them.

This isn’t to say that we want to get back together with our exes; but you don’t need to search for any spark to catch up with an old flame. Maybe you just want to see how they are doing, make sure they are well or perhaps you simply want them back in your life to some degree. 

This person was a part of your life for X amount of months or years and they played a significant role. One day they were yours, and the next day they became a complete stranger. Social media stalking can only tell you so much about somebody, and it is human nature to want to catch up with people from our past.

You are not in the wrong for wanting to reach out to your ex, and depending on how your relationship ended, then it can be fairly reasonable to shoot them a text to meet up for coffee. But sometimes you want to reconnect with the ex who may not want to have anything to do with you anymore. Still, you should try, but you have to create a game plan.

For starters, you have to come to terms with the fact that they may not want to see you whatsoever. If they had more extensive heartbreak than you did when your relationship ended, then they may have filed you into their list of people who they never want to interact with ever again. Childish? A little. Understandable? Of course.

The next step can kind of be a buzz kill, but you have to ensure that your intentions are good. Of course we want to meet up with the exes who wronged us and show them how happy and successful we are without them, but that is not only a waste of our time and energy, but it is also, for lack of a better phrase, a total dick move. If you want to see an ex because you are genuinely interested in hearing how they are doing and you want to integrate them into your life again, then that is perfectly acceptable. 

Once you are finally ready to reach out, do so delicately but casually. Call them and ask if they want together to catch up. Unless you want to get back together with them, then avoid phrases and plans that sound relationship-y. Don’t go out to get drinks, unless you are prepared to get drunk due to the inevitable discomfort when you first meet up. Don’t tell them that you miss them, rather say you thought about them and wanted to reach out. Your ex should know you well enough to know what your intentions are to begin with, but you might as well ensure that there aren’t any misconceptions.

You should also give them the option to respectfully decline, because you understand that an invitation like this one isn’t always extended to them. Giving them time to respond is also a great way to make them feel comfortable with your attempts at reconnection. Allowing them to feel your massive consideration will make the decision much easier for them to make.

Regaining traction with a special person from your past can lead to reverting them into a person of your present once again, which gives us hope for the maturity and the happiness that can come from all of our past, present and future relationships.