Hope and Hopeless

Hope. It’s a dark thing,twisty,beautiful and scary thing. 

Some people in life try there hardest to be hopeful while others, not so much. 

Children are full of hope, this is because they have hardly had the large amount of hope crushed into a million pieces with each piece being like a snowflake…different. 

You would think as we grow older we would learn our lessons by not hoping sadly you could not be more wrong. The theory I have come up with here is that we hope harder as we get older. Not as often but we hope very hard on things we know in our shattered broken hearts that will only disappoint us.

Everytime we hope more e become more numb to the pain, at first it is a stinging pain, you ignore it like a cut. Then comes the next few times where it is an excruciating pain that takes your breath away like a broken leg or childbirth. Finally worst of all what seems like the last time you will hope again. Listen though. It will never be a last time…we are human so we hope. We believe in miracles, think that by pretending it doesn’t hurt or whatever it is doesn’t exist. You will die over and over again every time you hope after the one when you say “I will never hope again.”

Don’t kid yourself. You will hope they text you back wanting to get back together and make a big deal out of it like it is a love movie. You will hope your best friend will talk to you again. You hope one year someone won’t ruin your birthday and that you won’t think of the death of your grandpa 3 days before when he died. You hope. You hope your abusers won’t come after you. You hope your sister will talk to you again and when it finally all happens. When they text you, when your birthday seems to be going well and your sister finally talks to you…it all stops… You can’t help but feel like everything around you is crashing. You feel broken, you feel hurt and worst of all…hopeless