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I’m Sick And Tired Of Women Claiming They ‘Don’t Fart In Front Of Their Boyfriends’

Okay so that headline was probably bold enough to get you to click on it and you’re probably sitting on your phone/tablet/computer rolling your eyes saying ‘Who pissed in this girl’s coffee today?’ But, in all seriousness, I’m raging. Not raging, but, I’m bothered. I can count seventeen different times on my hands and toes how many girlfriends I have that tell me they don’t “fart” in front of their boyfriends. I’m not just talking those couples who are in the Honeymoon stage…I’m talking couples who have been together for years.

They also never use the bathroom to go number two when they’re at their boyfriend’s house. They want to maintain this mystical, magical and “beautiful” social appearance of being absolutely clean, perfect and pure, so, they keep an entire aspect of themselves locked away.

Let’s be honest here – everyone farts. Didn’t your parents ever read you the book ‘Everyone Poops‘ growing up? It’s human nature, it’s natural –it’s apart of our body’s way of maintaining health and hygiene, even if it seems gross.

Girls who claim they “don’t poop or fart” are really selling themselves short.

1. Why lie?

In retrospect, they’re liars for one and I’m a firm believer that if you lie about one thing, you’re setting yourself up for disaster in romantic relationships. Yes, even if it’s about farting. Your man knows you’re a human you’re not a f*cking alien and your body operates like any other human. If you’re dating a guy who can’t “handle” the fact that his girlfriend farts, you need to find yourself a new man.

2. Now you can’t eat good food with your man.

We all know that certain foods are more likely to give us gas – i.e.: tacos and beans. So, you’re telling me you’re going to eliminate all the delicious food in the world whenever it’s date night because you might let one slip while you’re in bed watching reruns of Game of Thrones? Spare me.

3. No one said you need to dutch oven him.

Just because you fart in front of someone doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted and announced. No one said you have to suffocate your boyfriend under the covers after you let one loose. But, you shouldn’t be always running off and hiding in a corner in shame if you slip.

4. It’s really, really bad for your health.

If you’re constantly holding yourself in – farting or going to the bathroom – eventually it’s going to negatively impact your stomach health. Your body operates the way it does for a reason, don’t mess with nature’s calling.

5. You’re perpetuating the sexist stereotype that girls have to be “perfect and pure.”

I’m not perfect and I am by no means pure. I like to get down and dirty in the mud with the boys every once in a while. Why would you want to date someone who confines you into a box and only sees you as being a trophy? By perpetuating this stereotype that “girls don’t fart/poop,” you’re allowing men to think that women who do are disgusting.

6. If a guy can’t accept me for me – boy, bye.

If you’re dating a man who can’t handle the fact that women fart, he’s a weak person and you need to find yourself someone new. There will be times in your life where you get sick and you’re vomiting your guts up over the toilet bowl – do you want to be dating someone who holds back your hair, or someone who says you’re disgusting and runs away?