The average person has 40 thoughts per minute. The average boning session lasts 12 minutes. That’s a lot of thoughts.
- So no foreplay? Just sticking it in? Ok. We’re getting hot and heavy with our makeout session in the hallway and he breathes, I wanna be in you. WTF dude we need the prep work.
- We want to eat things. We want you to hurry it on up so we can go have that leftover Chinese in the fridge. I mean, we totally just earned it with that cardio.
- How is he liking this? We’re doing reverse cowgirl and we’re all like, there’s literally an ass in your face.
- Images of other people are definitely flashing through our heads. Sometimes it’s other guys. Sometimes it’s girls. Sometimes it’s just two separate people having sex. sometimes we wonder if they’re judging us. Hey, sex can last awhile and we get bored.
- How many other people in the world are having sex right now? That’s probably a number we can’t compute.
- We’re getting things done. We’re wondering if we left the coffee maker on, we’re making to-do lists for tomorrow and we’re thinking we should get you an ear and nose hair trimmer for Christmas because wow.
- We kind of hate this position. Ugh that position when you raise our legs up so our boobs are shoved right into our chin? Hate that. Hate whoever came up with that. No one needs that.
- Don’t make us get on top, don’t make us get on top. We just want to get off, we’re not into putting on a show right now. Unless there are tips. Will there be tips?
- Oh wow that feels so good, I’m gonna….Oh. Welp, now I have lady blue balls.
- That song that’s in our head. We like to pretend that this is the music video.
- Am I cheating on my vibrator right now? Probably won’t tell it about this. It’s one emotional vibrator.
- I wonder what he’ll do if I just blurt something out right now. Like what if I just screamed THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!, I WIN! or, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
- We imagine we’re somewhere other than here. Again, we’re bored. We need to think of somewhere more interesting than this bed/car/elevator shaft. Maybe we’re in a forest in western Europe, circa 1477. Maybe we’re on a beach with mai tais.
- If our ex could see us now…We like to think that he’d be in a corner, crying.
- We’re role playing in our heads. He’s the sexy pirate and we’re the wench. He’s the mechanic and we’re the lady that needs some parts replaced. He’s totally unaware and maybe we’ve seen too much porn.
- Okay, we came. Now you should hurry. We were all into it, right up until the moment we came. Now, we want it to be over. Literally every cell of our body is saying this is redundant.
- Would it help if I put a finger in there? I mean i’m sure I’ll regret it, but maybe a little prostate action will speed things along.