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10 Things You'll Only Understand if You're Learning How to Love Again

When it’s been a hot sec since you gave your heart to anyone, falling in love again feels like having to re-learn how to walk all over again.

1. You finally learn to let your guard down.

Probably one of the most frightening things about the whole love and dating again ordeal is not just waiting for someone to come knocking on your door and breaking down your walls, but realizing that sometimes you have to help break ‘em down yourself.

You have to learn how to be daring again, how to put yourself out there again. And as much as you may have resisted initially, you knew you had to if you ever wanted to be happy again. Giving into the present moment is better than living in fear of future pain. 

2. One word: Butterflies.

You suddenly start to remember what it was like to have butterflies again. It’s scary when your stomach’s fluttering all the time and your heart does a double backflip when you see your boo. But it’s also exciting and sweet and wonderful and everything that indicates that you’ve got something good going on.

3. You let go of having to be “tough” all the time.

You’d gotten so used to being strong for yourself, that you grew a hard shell. And for a while it helped you, especially during the difficult times when you only had your own shoulder to lean on. But now that you have someone there with you to hold your hand in the darkness, you’ve learned to soften up a bit and let someone fight your battles with you. 

4. You appreciate cuddles on a whole new level.

The feeling of sharing a bed with someone you’re just kinda eh about isn’t anything extraordinary. But when you’re holding someone who you like, who likes you back just as much, it strikes you just how special that is. 

5. You stop feeling so self-conscious about seeming too “clingy.”

When you’re seeing someone who’s not right for you, you’re always wondering if you should text them or not and if you should see them or not. It’s a constant battle of trying not to seem too clingy. When it’s right, though, none of that matters. You both want to be around each other as much as the other does and a double or triple text won’t change that. 

6. You learn how to communicate your deepest feelings – the good, the bad the ugly – again.

When our friends and family upset us, we either address it immediately or move on if it’s not too big of a deal. We know how to talk to them and we know exactly how they’ll respond. But with a new partner, it’s a whole different ballgame. You have to learn their boundaries, how to express your frustrations rationally, and how to compromise for long term happiness. 

7. You forgive the past, but you don’t forget.

Your ex’s wrongdoings seem to hurt just a little less. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, that the person who’s right for you helps you realize why it didn’t work out with anyone else. With that, though, you do let your past experiences guide you, so you don’t make the same mistakes. 

8. It almost surprises you just how deep your love can go for someone.

Out of nowhere, you start thinking about your bae when you listen to something romantic. Or you’ll be reminded of them when you see something funny on the street. Or… You just happen to be thinking about them all the time. And you seem to constantly be thinking of cute ideas and things to do to make them smile. It almost shocks you just how much you can feel for someone because you thought you’d forgotten how to. 

9. You feel just a little less alone in the world.

You’d given up on the hope that there was someone out there who understood you, yet here they are right in front of you. Here’s someone who can see the world through your eyes, think about the world through your mind.

10. It scares you a bit how much your heart is on the line here.

When you give your heart to someone, you trust them to take care of it, while knowing that you’re also granting them with the power of breaking it. But you know that you’d rather have them in your life, then not having them in your life at all. All the risks are worth it with them.

For more of Defne’s writing, follow her on Facebook.