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You Were Supposed to Stay

There are a lot of things that you taught me. You taught me how to be strong, how to believe in myself when no one else did. 

You taught me how to love. 

But you also taught me small things, little things that I thought I would never have to know. 

You taught me what it feels like to be kept waiting. 

You taught me what it feels like to be let down. So many times that you stop counting. Because you're heart just can't take it anymore. 

But the most important thing that you taught me, after all this time, is that people don't stay. I know it sounds a little dramtic to say, but it's true. 

I thought that I would love you forever. 

I though that it was going to be me and you in the end. Even when everything was falling apart, even when things didn't work out the way we planned. 

I was so sure that it was going to be you. 

And then, just like that, it wasn't. And you became lost to me. 

And all those nights that I spent with someone else, they all started to blend together. Because it wasn't me that gave up. 

It was always you. 

I want so much to be able to say all these things to you. So that maybe you can understand. That I never wanted to fight for anyone else. I never wanted to have to keep starting over and over again. 

I never wanted to keep comparing everyone to you. 

But I did. 

And I do. 

So before you say another word about forgiveness, about being friends after all this is said and done, I want you to remember one little thing. 

It was supposed to be you. 

I never have a doubt in my mind. 

I never planned on saying goodbye. I only thought about forever. 

And as much as it kills me to say it, I still believe in that. I still believe in you. And the deepest parts of me, still believe in us. 

And I hate you for doing that to me. 

Because I can't shake you. 

I can't let you go. No matter how many times I try. It's like I take two steps forward, and there you are again. Pulling me back to you. 

I would love to tell you that I found someone else. That he's better than you. That he cares more than you ever did or could. 

But I would only by lying to myself. 

Because when it comes down to it, all you ever had to do was stay. 

All you ever had to do was be there. 

Such a simple, small thing. 

But you fell short, Just like you always do. 

I just want you to know one more thing. I would have loved you my whole life. I would have given anything to start all over again with you. 

To be the person you wanted. The girl I so desperately wanted to be. Since the day I met you. Because for me, it was never going to be over. 

Now that it is, now that you have broken me, I don't know what to say or do. I'm strong, but I can only take so much. 

My heart can only fall for you, and break for you so many times over before I get a little lost. 

Before I start to give up on you. 

I tried for a really long time. 

We both know that I did. 

And now, all I want to think about is how I'm going to be okay after you. 

Because it was you that threw it all away. It was you that should have been there. And it was you that should have stayed.