You Don't Have to Understand My Anxiety, but at Least Acknowledge It

I'm beyond tired of hiding how I feel because you refuse to acknowledge it's there. 

Why do I have to hold in my panic attack or bottle how I feel because you refuse to understand that panic attacks exist in me? 

I might look completely fine, but I can't get any oxygen when everyone else can. Have you ever felt like that? Like you were going to die? Like you were seconds away from suffocating and everything is spinning out of control? No? Must be nice. 

I am tired of you thinking you're better than me because you don't have to deal with anxiety the way I do. I feel like I'm a horrible person because of how I feel on the inside. 

People accuse me of having an attitude, being standoffish, or being a bitch for being quiet when really I feel completely consumed by my anxiety I have no idea how I'm acting. When I’m trying to function throughout the day while feeling anxious, I don’t act like myself. I’m someone else, trying to tread water while the current is doing everything it can to pull me down. I’ll overthink your every word, I’ll take hours to respond to your messages because I second guess every one of my answers. I’ll think you’re mad at me, I’ll think I’m doing something wrong, I’ll think I’m in the wrong. 

So please, tell me who you think you are to call me an attention whore? 

I'm over you thinking that because you don't have anxiety, that no one can and that I only claim to have anxiety so I can talk bad about you. You don't get to look down on me for the way I acted when I was anxious. My anxiety does not define me and you don’t get to say it does. It’ll always be a part of who I am, but I am so much more than my darkest days and it’s a shame you don’t see that. 

My anxiety is real and I shouldn't have to hide it from you because you lack the understanding. Just because you refuse to accept it does not mean that it is not there. Just because you don't have it, doesn't mean that it is not there. 

Just because it doesn't affect you the way it does me, does not mean that it is not real.  It just means that you are too blind to realize that people are different from you and handle things differently than you. 

I have my anxiety and should not have to hide it because you want to feel bigger than me and don't want to take the time to understand it yourself. 

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