Two full weeks have passed since I heard the news. I still remember that moment as if it were yesterday. That phone call that shattered my world.
I love you more than you will ever know. I'll never even have the chance to tell you that now.
I didn't know how much pain you were in. You were such a beautiful deceiver. You never wanted to show your vulnerability.
But the thing is, if you just would have shown me the darkness you were feeling I would have helped you. I would have stood with you every day until you found the light in your life again.
I would have never left your side. I would've help you out of the hole that you fell in. I wouldn't have ever given up on you.
If I would have known where you had gone to end it all, I would have followed you there and took the gun from your hands. I would have fought you until you gave into my stubbornness and understood how loved you were.
But you didn't give me a chance.
You didn't want me to save you. You had made a decision and no-one was going to change that.
I wonder if you second guessed yourself at any point. I wonder what your thoughts were in your final moments. I wonder if you thought about me and how devastated I was going to be.
I wonder so much now. That's all I can do, since you left us so abruptly.
I look at our pictures together, re-read all of our messages, dissect your social media, and relive every single memory of you in my head, wondering when things took such a turn.
But I will never know. And I will never have the chance to go back in time to save you.
Now I just have to accept that you are in a better place, and hope that I will be able to see the signs in others that need saving before it is too late.
I love you so much dear. I'd give anything to tell you that one more time. But for now I will have to wait until I meet you at the gates of heaven.