It’s me. Your daughter. Your mother. Your sister. Your friend. Your coworker. I am many things to many people. But I have been hiding something.
I am depressed.
I know shocking, right? I am the girl that loves life. I laugh, I’m sociable. I can be the life of the party.
Except when I’m not. The truth is, I hide it very well. The truth is, there is a lot of things you don’t know about me.
I am tired. Always, tired. Working 8 hours a day takes a lot out of me. When I get home, all I want to do is veg out in front of the TV, or curl up with a book. I don’t have the energy to do anything else.
My house is a mess. Have you ever wondered why I always suggest we go somewhere public or hang out at your house? It’s because I don’t want you to see my mess. I blame it on always being tired. Simple things like doing the dishes, seems like a daunting task. Things that would only take a couple minutes, feel like hours in my head. And I can’t always get the energy or motivation to get it done.
I hate being alone. I will always try to fill my weekends as full as possible. I will do anything to get out of my messy house and away from my thoughts. Because it’s when I’m alone that it’s the worst. That is when I am the most depressed. When I feel like I’m a failure at everything I do.
Except for the times people are too much for me to handle. Then there is the times that I have to be alone. That I can’t be the woman you all know and love. So I disappear for a couple weeks to recharge. Try to get my life back on track. When you ask where I’ve been, I’ll simply respond with, “I’ve been busy.” But I haven’t been busy. I’ve been lying in bed trying to get the motivation to start living my life again.
But I will always come back. I know my depression isn’t as bad as it is for others. I can function. And the person you know, is not fake. I really am the girl that finds joy in simple things. I really am the mom that will smother you with kisses and enjoys a good cuddle. I really am the friend that will be there for whatever you need. I’m not putting up a front for you.
But I have never let you see the other side of me. I hope you can accept it.
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