As I sat figuring out how to put all my thoughts and feelings into this letter I felt as though nothing I could say would do justice to how I really feel, but I’m going to try.
Every once in a while you’ll meet someone who changes your world. You are that for me. Since the day I met you, even though I didn’t want to admit it, you had my attention.
You are smart.
You are funny.
You are selfless.
You are genuine.
Everything about you I love. Whether girls want to admit it or not, we keep a mental checklist of what we want in guy and you check every single box on my list.
Unfortunately, there was something blocking me from being able to be 100% with you. It was frustrating to me because I couldn’t figure it out so I pushed you away. I pushed you so far away we don’t even have a friendship. With everything we had been through, we lost it all.
We haven’t talked in a couple months and if we did it was small talk… nothing major. I’m not going to lie, not having you is killing me. I miss you. But I can’t admit that because I hurt you and what would make you believe me anyway.
Remember how I said I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t be 100%? Well thats because I was in a toxic relationship for a long time. I had to work to make him want me and prove myself worthy of his love. I worked so hard for so long but when I met you, you handed it to me on a silver platter like everything else you graciously gave me. With you I didn’t have to earn it, I deserved it and that scared the hell out of me.
Since I didn’t earn it, I didn’t want it. I turned my head and brushed it off. When I think about it, it’s almost sick that I believed I had to earn love when in reality it’s the complete opposite.
I was afraid if I would let you in, I would loose you. I pushed you away because I was trying to protect my heart from feeling the pain of not being good enough again.
What I soon came to realize is that you can take care of my heart better than anyone else can.
So I’m sorry, I hope that one day you forgive me but until then I’ll be waiting to see that smiling face again.
Sincerely,
The one that’s waiting.