“It’s hard to forget someone that gave you so much to remember…”
I will always love you, even though you no longer love me. I honestly cannot believe I’ve survived this long sleeping without you. .Frankly, your side of the bed stays empty, I can’t bring myself to lay there, or on your pillow.
It’s hard to believe that you left because before you did we were talking about our future together. It all seemed like it was impossible for us to not be together. But it happened.
I can’t say I’m not at fault for you leaving. I wasn’t as truly perfect as you were. My walls were tall and my skin was tough. And I am so sorry that It made it impossible for you to get in. I ignored your constant begging for me to let loose because you loved me. I was scared and looking back, I had no reason to be.
I also am so sorry for running. Running from myself, my family, and most importantly; you. You needed me, emotionally, but I couldn’t. Once emotions ran high, so did I.
I ran to the farthest hill and didn’t come back till the panic was over. I’m a fool for doing so, and I hope you know that I do know it. You just wanted me there and I refused like a selfish prick who didn’t deserve you whatsoever, in any way shape or form.
I wish you could see me now. Because I am feeling all of it. I’m feeling the loneliness, the heartbreak, and the deep cut of regret.
No, I am not asking you to take me back. You cannot thrive in the same place that makes you unhappy. And unfortunately, there are only 2 ways to change unhappiness. One is to fix whatever is making you that way, and the other is letting it go.
I cannot say you didn’t try because I know you did. I remember you begging and pleading for me to change and let my walls crumble. Big surprise, I wouldn’t… That memory is unfortunately engraved deeply into my mind. For that time, I am so sorry. But I know all these sorrys mean nothing to you at this point in time.
I hope when you find that someone that makes your fire burn brighter, you will hold onto them like I should’ve with you. I hope you’ll get married to the right woman and have the daughter you always wanted and the great big house in Colorado you’ve always dreamed of. I am regrettably not in that future.
So, to the one that slipped through my fingers, You are oh so hard to forget and even harder to say goodbye to.
With Love (If not)