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To The Loved One I'm Not Ready to Say Goodbye to Yet

When I needed a hero, there you were. The person I could depend on through everything life threw at me, the only one who was there to pick me up and dust me off when I fell. You’ve stood by me through so many different walks of life and to be honest with you, I’m not ready to give that up yet. I’m not strong enough to live this life without having you right by my side, at least not yet. And I know God’s calling you and there’s an angel’s halo up in heaven just waiting for you, but you’re not done here on earth yet. I’m not done with you on earth yet. 

You have so much life to live, things to see, places to go. It’s not fair that life will just go on without you. I know for a fact my life will be at a complete standstill, I just know it. Even right now I feel this ache in my gut for wanting to plan trips and vacations in the upcoming months knowing you won’t be there to go with me or listen to my stories. I can’t fathom making any life decisions without consulting you first, you’re the only one I can trust to tell me the brutally honest truth no matter how much it might hurt me in the moment. You’re my role model, my idol, the person I’ve looked up to since… forever. 

And I don’t know if you even realize how much you mean to me. Did I make it clear all these years that you are the light in my life that keeps me going? Did I tell you I love you enough? Did my hugs last long enough that you knew my heart was connected to yours? See, you have a heart of gold and I hope that one day I grow up to be even half of the person you are. I hope you know that…

And truthfully, you’re everyone’s favorite person, not just mine. Your laugh makes everyone else laugh, your smile makes everyone else smile. You know that saying “you light up a room just by walking in it”? I never truly understood it until I saw the way everyone turns and is immediately filled with joy when you enter a room full of people.

I can’t even imagine a day without hearing your voice… I don’t want to. If i could just get one more walk or one more dance, I’d play a song that would never end. Is it selfish of me? I just want more time with you. More laughs, more hugs, more quiet moments that mean the world to me. 

When things didn’t go right for me, you’d always the person I’d run to first. You’d make me laugh just to comfort me, even over the silliest things, you made me feel better in a minute. Now who am I to turn to? I don’t mean to sound like a burden, but I still need you. I need your presence and your words. I need your humor to keep my heart light and your smile to brighten my gloomiest day. 

You can’t go yet, you can’t. I won’t allow it, because if you do, I’m terrified of what will become of me. Who am I without you? I don’t even know…

If I could give you every ounce of me to keep you here I would. I’d give you my minutes, my heart beats, even the air in my lungs. I’d do anything for you to just stay here with me and never leave because I’m starting to question what the point of being here is if you’re not here anymore? 

You’ve given my life purpose by just being part of it, you’ve filled my heart with meaning. What’s the point of waking up in the morning if I’m not going to be able to make you smile or make you laugh, or call you in the middle of the day for a chat? I’ll be lost without you, I know I will. 

I mean, to lose someone who has been my entire world for as long as I can remember, is quite possibly the hardest thing that I’ll ever have to go through. Saying goodbye to you just might break me and I don’t know what to do if the one person who would be able to fix me, won’t be here. Because it’s your warm embrace I’ll crave, no one else’s. It’s be your advice I’ll need to hear. God, I wish heaven had a phone because that would make me feel so much better. 

But life works in ways that I don’t understand and if God says this is your time, I will have to accept his decision. I just want you to know that the love I have for you runs deeper than anything I’ve ever known. I’ll always be with you where the sea meets the sky, remember that, okay?

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