There’s nothing they can do to make me feel inferior anymore. No more tearing me down to make themselves feel better, no more doing or saying whatever it is to get a rise out of me. When I was younger all I wanted was to be a part of the “popular” crowd, so I did whatever it took to be included.
And it felt great to be a part of the group that everyone wanted to be. I was naive and thought for some strange reason I needed them guys to be happy, to feel like I ‘fit in.’
Then, I realized as I was growing up, that those girls weren’t exactly who I wanted to hang out with. We didn’t have the same interested and honestly, they weren’t good people. But I stuck it out because being a part of a group was way better than being alone and on the outside.
What I needed to see is that I was so much better than all of that bitterness and fakeness. And I shouldn’t have to put myself through hell and fear just because I wanted to be accepted. Why did I allow myself to feel small and afraid of being judged or being talked bad about? For what? To have a group of friends?
So what if they say mean things about me? It’s only because they’re jealous of how I am truly and completely okay with being own my own. They’re jealous that I actually care about my relationships and where they go. I strive for deep, meaningful friendships with people. I don’t want to just smile and laugh all the time because it’s fun.
I want people in my life who will stick around on the bad days and do everything in their power to put a smile on my face on my darkest day. Those are the types of friendships I deserve.
So to the girl who insulted the one thing about me that she knew would hurt me the most, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I should embrace my insecurities and that it’s okay to do so. You made me stronger, able to accept myself as I am, and proud of who I am. I don’t know where I’d be without you, you changed me in all the best ways.
To the girl who stopped being my friend because I didn’t want to be involved in drama, thank you. Thank you for letting me know that a life without bitterness and fear is a much happier one. I don’t need anyone in my life who doesn’t need me. I’ve taught myself how to make myself happy, how to put myself first no matter what. And honestly, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I hope one day you learn too, because you’re better than this half-ass life you’ve been living.
Every soul on this earth just wants to feel like they belong somewhere, to have a group of people they call their own. But if they’re toxic and draining and do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself, then they aren’t the ones you’re meant to grow old with.
When the right people come around, it’s a gut feeling that you just know they won’t stab you in the back or pretend to be someone they’re not. And that’s exactly what I’ve found, my true friends, my ride or dies, and that’s all thanks to the toxic “friends” I once had. Thanks for showing me everything not to look for in a friend group.