I didn’t realize it. It took me months after I left my marriage that I have PTSD.
My therapist was the one who made me come to terms with it. I’m thinking “I can’t have that, that’s for the men and women who have served our country and been traumatized by the experiences they endured.”
Boy, was I wrong. Not saying war victims don’t have PTSD but victims of abuse can experience it too.
As I started thinking about what my therapist said she gave me a packet to read all about PTSD in abusive relationships.
The nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, depression, insomnia, social isolation, irritability, agitation, fear, mistrust, emotional detachment and unwanted thoughts. Are all symptoms I have experienced but I thought it was just because of the divorce I was going through.
The triggers are another thing. I could be going about my day just fine and BAM.
A smell, a place, a certain date, a thought from the past and my mind goes into a whirlwind.
I freeze. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or where I’m at, I freeze. My mood changes, my demeanor changes and this can last for hours, even days.
If you are reading this and find yourself realizing some or all of these symptoms apply to you or someone you know, GET OUT and urge the one that you love that seem to have similar symptoms to get out also.
I know it’s easier said than done. I was in this relationship that turned into a toxic marriage altogether for 9 years.
His drug addiction didn’t help matters, just amplified his inconsistent moods.
My push to leave was my beautiful baby girl. Who is now a smart, adorable, thriving 14-month-old. She is my savior.
I can’t imagine being where I was 8 months ago and having to watch her watch her daddy treat her mommy with such hate and disrespect.
My divorce will be final December 13th.
One day I will get better. It might take months, it might take years but I will get through it.
I have a daughter to raise and I refuse to let him make me weak anymore.
I also have a great support system between my family, friends, and coworkers who I consider family. They have made the hardest time in my life more bearable.
I hope I have helped at least one person by writing this because then I know I did my job.
YOU deserve better. YOU are none of those awful things they say you are.
Please get out while you can, especially if children are involved. Abuse is bad enough, but add PTSD to the mix and you have a long road to recovery, but you can do it.
I’m by no means better but I’m better than I was 8 months ago.
Time heals all wounds but the first step is walking away and not turning back.
God bless you.