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The "lucky" ones

Growing up in a small, prestigious town, I was sheltered. I never endured true hardship. I never saw the ugly side of society. I didn’t know what it was like to want something that you can’t have.

I had goals and aspirations far beyond reach for many people, but to me they were obtainable. I had money. I had family. I had support.

As I got older I realized that I had something more. I went from a gangly, awkward kid to an attractive (by societal standards) young adult. I was able to use this to my advantage. I became the popular girl overnight. I realized that there is a lot that I could accomplish by playing a part and being attractive.

I found out quickly that the pretty, rich kids do drugs. We were a bunch of kids with unlimited funds and nothing to do so we bided our time by doing reckless amounts of drinking and drugs. When asked why there was a $200 withdrawal from my mother’s checking account at 4:00 am, I would simply say that there was a pair of jeans that I bought from a friend. That would be the end of that conversation. 

No one questioned us. We were the homecoming kings and queens, we were the cheer leaders, we were the football stars. We had 4.0 GPA’s. We had scholarships. We were three golden children. 

We were the kids that got away with everything. 

We were the kids who had the most problems.

The adults in our lives swept everything under the rug because if they admitted That we had problems, it would reflect poorly upon them. It would look bad on our community. It would make people believe that maybe it’s not the greatest place to invest in real estate. So They turned the other cheek when we overdosed. As long as we made it to the debate competition or cheer practice. They enabled us by ignoring us.

When we left our hometown to pursue adulthood, we deteriorated. No one had any life skills. We were a bunch of addicted, entitled brats who had no clue how to navigate life. 

Since I have left home I have seen more death than anyone should have to see in a lifetime.

Many of us have become homeless. Incarcerated. Prostitutes. Drug dealers. Dead….

A life of luxury is what most parents want for their children. But how far do you go? A perfect family in a perfect home in a perfect community is a fairy tale. What happens behind closed doors stays there and that is not helping anyone. I was fed with a golden spoon. I ended up in jail by 18, rehab by 20, and sleeping in a bush by 32.

I’m still seen as a lucky girl who had everything handed to her. I’m not lucky. I’m cursed. I’m destroyed. I’m a lost cause. But hey, I still have a pretty face…