The Girl Who Constantly Needs Reassurance

Relationships take a lot of work, but when I found you – the one that opened my eyes, opened my heart, and opened a door to a whole new world full of possibilities without limitations; everything with you and this relationship seemed to just come naturally and everything fell right into place. But why do I still need that extra dose of reassurance

This type of reassurance doesn't mean I don't trust you, believe in you, or think things will forever be the same. But rather, this reassurance simply means that I'm experiencing a whole new realm of feelings and emotions that I, truthfully, have no idea in hell what to do with. 

This reassurance also means that I've, somewhere along my journey of searching for "Mr. Right," have been hurt, broken, and pushed down. 

I'm letting my past haunt me, and rather than not trusting in or believing in you, I'm doing the complete opposite – the opposite of trusting you but not trusting my heart to keep it's shit together, and not allow itself to get hurt once more. 

Truthfully, that sounds so stupid of me to even say, simply because I know that you are far more than what my imagination could have even imagined, far more than all of the skeletons in my past, and much more than the "average Joe." 

You aren't perfect, and you'll be the first to tell me just that, but neither am I, and that's what I love about you the most. Your imperfections are what make you so perfect in all of your unique little ways. You treat me with the utmost respect, you give it your all 24/7, you love me unconditionally, you never let me fail or doubt myself, you encourage me, you support me, you stand by me in the rough waters and the calm, you aren't afraid to show me off, and you calm me down like no other – even in the midst of extreme female moods and attitudes. 

I literally have the human version of a blessing in disguise right in front of me. 

I can't explain why I constantly seek reassurance, and I'm so sorry that I do because you literally give me absolutely no reason for it, but here's what I do know:

I know that I let my past get in the way of my emotions, but I also know that you're unlike anyone else.

I know that I overthink and underestimate you at times, but I also know that we're both still in the process of learning each other. 

I know that I expect you to do things my way, but I also know that you have you're own way of doings things and that's perfectly okay. 

I know that I doubt you and say things I don't mean when I'm upset, but I also know that you have me pegged and understand when I mean things and when I don't.

I know that I don't believe in you enough sometimes, because I'm stubborn and my mind wanders, but I also know that just because you don't react or respond in a way that I expect you to does not mean that you don't care or that you care any less. 

I know that I assume too much, but I also know that you do too, but one thing for certain is that we always know just how to talk to each other and flush those assumptions down the porcelain god. 

I know that I've been hurt and had my heart broken, but I also know that so have you too. 

I know that I hurt you and make you feel unloved when I'm in some of my moods, and for that I can't say "I'm sorry" nearly enough, but I also know that you know me and you know that my love for you never changes (and viseversa).

I know none of these explain why the need for reassurance, more often than not, presents itself, but I want you to always remember that just because I seek reassurance, never does it ever mean that I've lost my trust in you or no longer believe in you, never does it mean that I love you any less, and never does it mean that I'm comparing you to anyone else.