Stop Popping Up in My Life Again, You Heartless Douche

The truth is, you never loved me, so why are you popping back into my life pretending you did? You have no right to come back and try an open a bad chapter in my life I have long closed. This isn’t a walk down memory lane, buddy, and I have no time for your lies or your bullshit anymore. 

Do you really have the nerve to try to get more from me? I literally gave you everything, including my heart. I fell for your stupid lies because unlike you, I have a good heart. I believed you because I loved you and there was no place in my heart for doubt.  Little did I know, I should have doubted everything you said. You are the one to blame for all the bad shit that happened between us, not me. I was loving and patient, but that’s not enough when you deal with a manipulative douche like you. 

You literally tore my heart from my chest and broke me down until I was nothing more than just a crying, confused, and hurting ball of a mess. I’d sit for hours thinking, a million questions running through my head, asking what went wrong, wondering how you can hurt someone so bad, after claiming you loved them so much. I tortured myself by rereading old texts, looking at pictures of us, and thinking about all the good times – all the sweet things you had said to me. 

You walked away so quickly and effortlessly. You acted like I never mattered to you, like I was never a huge part of your life, like we were never happy at one point. You literally threw me away like I was trash and then went on with your life, carefree, while I was an emotional wreck. I had so many things I wanted to say to you, and ask, and I never could because you just ghosted me.  

All the unanswered questions drove me mad.  It hurt that I lost not only a relationship, and a lover, but also my best friend. Because that is what you were. You were so special to me. It was a blow to my heart knowing that everything you ever said to me was a lie, that you never meant the things you said. That you never loved me. Obviously, I was just someone to pass the time until you got bored, and someone you could manipulate and make fall for you.

Or maybe it was your fucked up way of feeling in control. Was it a power trip all along? 

How can someone feel okay with treating another human being like that? How can someone live with knowing they shattered someone’s heart, played with their emotions, feelings, and mind? Hell, why am I even asking? Your answer would be another lie, excuse, or line to try and explain your shitty behavior and shitty personality. 

You are so damn shady that on top of it all, you think you can just waltz right back in and try to fill my head with fake apologies. Telling me how much you fucked up, and how you didn’t deserve me. Yeah, okay. No, you didn’t deserve me, and yes, I was too good for you. 

So am I eager to make amends? To reminisce and talk about “the good times” like nothing happened? No. Not really. What good will it do either of us? None. It’ll be the same old shit. The same repeated cycle. The same hurt. And quite frankly, I’m not sure my heart can handle that again. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate you, I just can’t bear the same hurt you put me through. Hell, it gives me anxiety just thinking about our complicated and toxic past.  

You were selfish and impulsive, not stepping back to think how this all could affect me, and us, even. And while it hurt me beyond anything I’d experienced thus far, I don’t have to repeat history again. I can stand up for myself and be happy without you.

But, cut the crap!  stop being an egotistical douchebag assuming we can pick back up where YOU left us, and expect me to be all happy and shit. Cause I’m not dealing with it, or your bullshit ever again.