It's Time to Stop Clinging to Memories, He's Just Not Who He Used to Be

I know, you think you are in love with them. You love everything about them. You can not see your life without them. You want to grow old with them.

There’s only one problem with that: You aren’t in love with who they are now. You’re in love with who they were when everything started. 

You’re in love with a memory.

More than that, you’re addicted to the feeling they once gave you. I get it. That was me. Until a recovering addict very bluntly pointed the truth out to me.

I loved him. My God did I love him. I accepted him, as he was in that moment, flaws and all. I held on to the memory of how we were. I held on tight. He was my addiction…I craved him. 

Just like any addiction, the slightest bit of it gives you a sense of all is right with the world. That’s what he did for me. Everything made sense. I was balanced: mind, body, and soul.

I know how hard that is to even fathom. I know how hard it is to swallow. It’s like taking a horse pill and it getting stuck in your throat. You know you have to take it but you don’t know how to get it down.

They aren’t who they were when everything started. 

If you’re honest with yourself, deep down, you know that. You know that things will never be the same. You know that they will never be the same.

Holding on is only hurting you. 

It’s okay to remember the good times. It’s okay to smile and wish they could be like that again but you have to let go. When it comes down to it, they aren’t the same person anymore. They don’t love you the way they used to. They don’t respect you, and more often than not, they’re leaving you hanging. 

You have to let go for your happiness. You have to let go for your peace of mind. You have to let go for you. Don’t be bitter. Don’t hate them. That’s not what letting go is. That’s you holding on even tighter. 

The tighter you cling to that addiction, the stronger it gets.

And so, you have to release the grip you have on them, unclench your grasp, and just let go. Will it hurt? Absolutely. It’ll hurt like hell but you take that hurt and you face it every single day until the hurt doesn’t sting nearly as bad. 

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Trust me, it’s definitely not. It does get better and easier with every passing moment. Pretty soon you’ll be able to go from making it moment by moment to making it day by day.

You deserve more than an almost, a kinda sorta or a sometimes. You, my friend, deserve to love and be loved by someone who wants you all the time.