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It Cut Me Like a Knife When You Walked Out of My Life

It was painful. When you stopped being available.It was heartbreaking to see that I wasn’t on your mind even an iota. 

The moment you told me that I am not your type of girl, I have to admit that I was lost. 

It seemed like you led me, our hands intertwined, into this beautiful lush green meadow only to be suddenly left in the middle of it one day. 

You showered me with love but you let me dry myself using the icy breeze you created as you walked past me. You broke me, yes, but amidst my brokenness I have found a profound realization: my own strength.

You broke me by leaving me but in my brokenness I found my strength: my true friends and family. In the process of losing you, I have regained my friends and my family. They’re support – their unassuming concern – for me is what helped me make through each day. 

I realized that I may have lost one person who loves me but I have numerous more who could fill, if not replace, the space you left. It may not be the same love that you could give but they got me continuously breathing. I realized that I’m still lucky, and I’ll forever be, so for that I am grateful.

You broke me by leaving me but in my brokenness I found my strength: my capacity to give an unconditional love.
God knows how much I fought for you. How much I fought for us. He knows that my love for you is real. 

And while I am certain that your love for me was too, maybe it wasn’t just enough for you to keep fighting. 

I know this because when you left, I thought more of how sad your life might be, instead of how tragic my life had become. When you left, I thought more of how long will it take you to find happiness again, instead of how lonely I have become. 

When you left, I thought more about you than about me. And maybe that’s a little bit dumb, but maybe that’s okay. At least in the end I would have no regrets of not fighting enough, not thinking about you enough, or not loving enough.

You broke me by leaving me but in my brokenness I found my strength: my beautiful soul. I realized that even if I am admittedly a short-tempered person, who gets frustrated at the simplest of things, I don’t hold grudges. I forget things so that the relationship doesn’t suffer. 

I felt no hatred. Sadness, yes, but no anger towards you leaving me. 

In fact I felt more love. I felt that all I need to do is try to understand your reasons every single day. I realized that I am capable of kindness, patience, and warmth. I realized that there’s beauty inside me, and it’s just sad that I have to come across this beauty without you by my side.

It’s hard – getting over you. But I have to slowly embrace the bitter truth that what we have is now just ashes of yesterday. 

 I have to be reminded that while I may never understand your reason for leaving me in this meadow, the steps we took to get to this point was what’s important. I have to realize that whether you’re coming back or not, the love we had was one of a kind. The love we had was beautiful.

So thank you. You broke me by leaving me but in my brokenness I found my strength, my strength that used to be you.
 

I am no longer expecting your return but if in case you come back and I’m still in our meadow, I’ll be smiling at you graciously, for then I’d have become much, much stronger.

I wish you well.