If I Could Confront the Guy Who Assaulted Me, This is What I'd Tell Him

You never know the story behind someone’s eyes, the pain that they’ve endured. It’s hard to hide so much pain for so long and carry so much anger in your heart towards the person who has hurt you. All I have left are words to express how much pain I feel. If I could confront the guy who assaulted me, this is what I’d tell him

I still feel so violated when I think of that night, and I think of that moment a lot. I can still feel your hands slide down my body. Sadly, it’s something that’s now engraved  in my mind I will never be able to forget.  

You stole my innocence from me. What gave you the right to force yourself on me like you did? Not a day goes by where I don’t think about all the what ifs of that moment. What if I was stronger? What if I tried harder to run away…what if? But it’s just not possible to turn back time and change anything. It’s done and I’m left feeling damaged. 

When I try to be intimate with the person I love, I sometimes have flashbacks of your hands on me. I pull away and have a panic attack. It’s living with a broken soul. It going through life feeling like you’re soul is slowly dying from the pain.  

I never told anyone that you assaulted me. I just can’t. I feel shame and anger for not being able to speak the words and the describe the horrible nightmare that you made go through. But I guess, in my head, there’s something about not talking about what happened that makes the trauma feel less real. But that’s just a defense mechanism. This is very real. 

I was scared to go to the cops about it because it was your word against mine. I was scared to tell my mom, because I didn’t want to know her reaction. I went through the whole thing alone, because I was scared of what my friends would say. 

You ruined my trust in guys, and made me feel like I was worthless and that something was wrong with me. 

You never apologized, in fact, you claim it’s all in my head, but if it was then why can I still picture that night clearly in my mind? Why do I still get flashbacks of it happening? 

I’m thankful that my boyfriend still stands by me, that he still loves me even though I pull away from him and tell him I’m damaged because of that night. 

You ruined me that night, but I’ve bounced back and am stronger than ever.