When it comes down to love, timing is everything. It can make or break you.
It can be perfect or so messed up that it breaks your heart. Like it almost did to me.
But the other thing about time is that it makes you think. It allows you to understand what’s important. And what you never want to let go of.
And finally, I’ve decided that you are worth it.
That this, no matter how long it takes, is more than just a fleeting thing. It’s more than just a passing thought. You are more than I ever expected you to be.
You mean more.
And you have touched my heart in ways that I can’t explain, ways that I thought were lost to me after everything and everyone that nearly broke me.
But my heart is healing now. And then you came along, and you changed everything.
You changed the way I think and feel. The way I see my own reflection.
I think that most importantly, you gave me hope. Because I know that no matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, I’m always going to be around. And I’m always going to be down for you.
I’ve always been good at goodbye, but this time is different. I’m staying. I’m waiting, and I’m going to be there when you need me.
So don’t think, for one minute, that you pushing me away is going to do anything. It’s not going to make anything I’m feeling go away. Because I know you’re scared.
I know that this big, huge, endless thing, I know that it terrfiies you.
I know that I’m different than all the rest, I know you can see it and feel it. You’re so close that you can almost taste it.
But I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to want this.
Just say the words, and I’ll step back and let you find someone to take my place, though I think that you’ll spend more time looking for me in everyone else.
Even though I think that you’ll regret losing me, it’s not really my place to say and I don’t get to decide for you, what you want.
But just so you know, there’s no one else.
It’s only you and you alone.
Because you have awakened something inside of me. Something that everyone always talks about, but something I never understood until just now.
You changed the game, and I didn’t even know that I was playing. But everything is different now. And I’m different now.
And I know that maybe we messed up the first time around. Maybe it’s not going to be easy. Maybe it’s not going to be perfect, but I know that it’s worth it.
I would rather have my heart broken by you, by letting you go, then waste my time on all the things I never said to you.
So here it is.
I’m falling in love you. It’s nothing that you’re doing or saying. It’s not that you’re leading me on that I think that all of the sudden, you’re going to run to me.
But I am hopelessly, head over heels, can’t think about anything else but you, in love with you. And I’m not the waiting type, but for you, I think I can make an exception to my only rule.
I tried to fight it. I tried to make you less important. I tried to undo my feelings, to leave without so much as a word. But I know now that I can’t do that.
Not to you and not to myself.
So here I am standing. Standing right in front of you, telling you that I’m right here. That I don’t want to mess this up. That I want to try.
I’ll give you all the time you need, to think about your life with and without me.
But just know that now that I’ve almost had you, I’m not letting go.