I Don't Want To Think Of You Anymore, But I Always Do

We broke up so long ago, or maybe just yesterday. It certainly feels like it sometimes.

When they ask if I'm over you, I answer with a cheery yes.  Some days that "yes" is sincere.

Today, I'm not sure it is.

The song that played on the radio caused your name to come to mind. It crept in without my knowledge. It dominated every thought process I had before. The words spoke of you and I knew nothing of what was in my head before.

You came to my head one time today.

And then another.

The sound rumbling through the engine next to me caused me to peek through my window at the next vehicle over. It wasn't yours. If course it couldn't be. Do I even know what it sounds like anymore? I suppose I'm just daydreaming.

Yet, in that daydream was your name. The name of the one I am supposed to be over. Again you came to my mind.

Why is it you? Before the earth spins to greet the new day's sun, you've already wished your unwelcome good morning. How do you manage to stay with me even on the days I'm most confident?

When I feel strong, I'm strong for forgetting you.

The fact that I have to remember you to feel a certain way, well that says enough to show otherwise.

As a story unfolded, a friendly moment you had no part in. Again, I was reminded of you.

The smallest whisper held your voice.

The smallest gasp held your breath.

Today I was reminded how much you were to me. It was not a slight reminder. It was large enough a gap in the time span of a day to remind me to hate you. But I'm not sure I do.

Sometimes you come into my dreams, and I can hear your voice say my name. Sometimes I smell your cologne and turn my head to find you aren't there. Sometimes you pass me by, and I look at you only to find someone else walking in what I thought to be your shoes.

Today I watched a man look at me through the same color eyes as you. I'm sure you know that you came to mind.

I thought of you again as I slipped on my sweatshirt. The same one I wore a million times as I rode in your passenger seat.

Again and again, the little things brought you back for brief moments, more than I'd like to admit.

I've said my goodbye, but I wonder if you will ever fade completely out of my life. 

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