I’d like to think that part of me knew what I was getting myself into when I met him. So in a way I thought I was ready to take on the consequences of falling hard for someone like him. His charm was intoxicating, so I knew that it felt too good to be true, but I still went for it. I fell hard and hoped for the best, and now in hindsight, I can see how much of a fool I was for allowing my heart to be completely vulnerable to unavoidable hurt.
He played all his cards right and I went along with every single one of his treacherous games. I got involved too quickly and way too invested too fast to see that I was just another one of his preys. The rational part of me could sense that something was off but my heart was completely blind to the douchebag hiding behind his ‘nice guy’ mask.
The truth is, I allowed him to toy with my emotions. I’m to blame for the shame and pain that he made me feel when he walked away without a reason or explanation. I really wanted to give him the benefit of a doubt. I wanted to believe that my love could change him. I wanted to be the exception.
I can’t help but wonder if he ever felt anything special for me, if he ever felt what I felt. It’s just hard to wrap my head around the fact that everything he did and said was a lie.
He was all shades of sweet and kind. He was funny, charming, confident and overall what appeared to be one of a kind. So, Was it an act when he kissed me on the forehead as I was half asleep on his arms? Was it fake when he hugged me tight before I left his place after spending hours in his bed?
I might have sensed his deceitfulness from a mile away. I might have been somehow ready for my heart to take the hit once he got tired of playing with me. But I refuse to believe that he never ever felt anything special for me.
I might just be a hopeless romantic that decided to risk my heart with a guy like him. I just believe that when it comes to matters of love, we have to follow our hearts. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Unfortunately, this time, I lost.
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