in

How it Hurts When You Want to Be More than Just 'Friends With Benefits'

In the beginning, it's all great fun. It's something new, something exciting with no strings attached. You get to live your single life and still have that hot romantic sex that you've always wanted. 

Then after a few months, you start to realize it's more than just sex. You start to wonder if this person feels the same about you but you don't want to make it weird, so you don't bring it up.

6 months later, you find yourself trying to drop hints about maybe going to dinner, or the two of you going and doing something special. Every time you ask, you just get shut down. You wonder why they aren't into you like you are them since you've been casually hooking up for so long. 

Then you finally build up the courage to ask them if you are more than 'just friends.' 

They reply with the words that hurt the most via the lamest excuse known to man: "I really care about you, I just don't want a relationship right now".

Everything you've been feeling, all the optimism or hope you had shored up when you asked the question, all of it comes falling down. 

It feels like you are literally being crushed by a train. But you continue to do this "FWB" relationship in hopes that he will eventually change his mind and want more than just this with you. 

You might find yourself asking him "Why don't you find someone else since I want more and you don't?" 

And he'll reply with the one thing you've always wanted to hear, "but if I leave, I'll miss you". 

If he doesn't want to be more than friends with benefits, then why would he say those things? Then you remember that anyone will say anything to get what they want. 

The saddest part about all of this is that you fall for it way more than you ever thought you could, or would.

Some days you'll pray to have the courage to walk away, but you can't. The few times you have found that courage, he swoops right back in like a hawk and steals your heart just to crush it sometime later. 

One day I'll be strong enough to walk away from this with a smile on my face, knowing I deserve better.

Today is not that day.