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His Abuse Destroyed Me, but I Saved Myself

This is a trauma that has immensely impacted my life and has taken me years to overcome and share. I am a survivor, I am a victim of domestic violence.

He was the popular one when I met him, good looking and every girl wanted to be with him. He chose me, a young shy girl who kept to herself and yet he wanted to be with me? I couldn't believe it, I was the luckiest girl in the world, or so I thought…

In the beginning he was so very charming, loving and cared so much for me as I did him. I fell so hard in love with him. One day all that charm and love quickly faded away. 

Next thing I knew he was deciding what I was permitted to wear, choosing who my friends were and who I was allowed to associate myself with.

Over time things progressively got worse, but I was naive and I loved him dearly. Now he was controlling every aspect of my life. I was unable to go places unless I asked for permission and God forbid if i did not respond to his messages or phone calls almost immediately.

This is normal right? This is what real love is? He must only be doing this because he loves me so much and wants nothing but the best for me…right?

Funny thing is, I was only fooling myself at this point. When he'd get angry there was no stopping him…I was slapped, punched, beaten and thrown around more times than I can remember. When it came to sex there was no such thing as saying no. I can remember on multiple occasions where I would just lay there praying for it to be over.

This relationship went on for years. Every time I would try and leave, well it only got worse for me and it eventually got to a point where I was being stalked.

I finally took it upon myself to say enough is enough and made my way down to the police station where I filed a report on everything that had occurred over a period of the time that we were together. He was arrested and charged for rape and domestic violence.

We were going to trial, or so I thought. In the end he decided to plead guilty. We were in court when he got up and stood before the judge, he then pleaded guilty to all charges. He was sentence to two years probation.

To hear the man I believed I once loved admit to the charges was one of the most satisfying things I experienced.

To anyone who is in an abusive relationship, no it does not get better and no they never change they will continue to victimize you or someone else. You have to believe that you have the strength to get out of your abusive relationship. You will rebuild yourself after you do it, I promise you. I could do it, so can you.

Get out of that toxic relationship as soon as you see signs of abuse. This is an endless cycle. You are greater and worth more and no this is not love.