in

Gracias to The Idiot Who Was Too Weak to Handle a Real Relationship

“If you truly love someone, being faithful is easy.” 

There was no way for me to ignore the facts. My heart sunk deep into my chest. You were supposed to be the one to show me that not all men were the same. That you would never put me in a situation to feel used, belittled and not enough.

My hurt turned to anger, and I couldn’t even be in the same room with you. I was furious, to say the least and red soon became my favorite color because that’s all I could think about when your name was brought up. However, I’ve had some time to deal with those feelings and move on with my life.

So thanks for being so pathetically weak that you needed to go and cheat for instant gratification than be a real man who stays through the hard times and fights for what he wants. 

Thank you for putting me through one of the most emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. You see this taught me that I can handle even the toughest things that are thrown at me, even when my heart is hurt. It’s made me evaluate the situations I get myself into a little bit closer. It's also made me realize that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. 

Thank you for making me feel like I didn’t matter. 

By doing this you led me to become the more independent woman that I am now. It forced me to realize that I need to take care of my own self worth before anyone else. When you decided to be with someone else while being with me it made me feel inferior to this other girl. Which made me learn to appreciate myself so much more because no one should ever make someone feel that way and I know hands down that I am not inferior to her or anyone else. 

Thank you for teaching me that not everyone is who he or she says they are. You always promised to never hurt me, to always be honest and to cherish my feelings. However this wasn’t the case, but love makes you blind to the thought that someone you care about could be negative. The reality is people change, and not always for the good but sometimes you don’t want to accept that.

Thank you for making me acknowledge that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay there. 

People come and go in your life daily and it doesn’t always make sense. Some people you had expected to stay forever could be gone in a blink of an eye, and someone you thought was just passing through could become the biggest lifeline to you.

Thank you for showing me the treatment I didn’t deserve. 

You broke my heart, and treated me like crap with sorry excuses as to why you did what you did. I tried seeing it from your shoes and drove myself crazy thinking there was something wrong with me when there wasn’t. You’ve shown me exactly what to steer away from and that the only love I need to accept is the love that I deserve.

Thank you for turning my life completely upside down. 

You forced me to re-evaluate what I want in life. You may have brought me down for a little while, but the situation made me stronger, wiser and it lit a fire under me to start living a life that will bring a happier me. It forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and try new things.

It gave me my freedom back. That doesn’t mean that being in a relationship tied me down in a terrible way. It means that when trying to figure out what went wrong with us, I was able to focus on what I really want to get out of life. It required me to figure out what kind of guy I want to let in, when I feel that time is right, and it’s most definitely no one like you.

Thank you for the memories, the good and the bad. 

We may have had some good times, and our feelings for each other at one time may have been real. Had I not gone through what we went through I wouldn’t be who I am today. You definitely were a lesson I learned that I do not want to repeat.

You’ve shown me all the wrong things to look for in a relationship, and all the signs of when I need to run. You helped me learn to forgive those who most definitely don’t deserve my forgiveness in order to live with so much negativity in my heart.

Because of you I know what I deserve in future relationships and life in general, and I won't settle for less. At one point of time I thought you were the best thing to happen to me, and the best person to come into my life. Though now I realize you were just a stepping-stone, a lesson to be learned which I will forever be grateful for.

You don’ t deserve my forgiveness, but in order for me to heal and move forward with my life, that’s what you’re going to get.

Consider this a parting gift, my forgiveness to you, though you end up with the short end of the stick because moving on and finding someone to appreciate me and show me the love I deserve is definitely the better hand of the draw.

Life is all about the choices you make, so thank you for the terrible choice you made because it’s opened the door for much better options for me.

“He might have left her brokenhearted But she ain't goin', goin' out like that”

To see more of Audi’s work check out her facebook page.