For Once I Just Need A Friend To Tell Me, "I Don't Need To Be Okay"

I'm hurting. And right now no amount of "everything is going to be okay" or future focused speed talks are going to make me feel better. I appreciate the gestures of friendships coming out like hugs, and "we will be there for you".

And yes I am aware of the "I support you's" coming to the table. But for once I just need someone to tell me it is okay for me to feel like nothing is going to be okay. For once I just need a friend who can grab me by the arms and look me in the eye and say,

It is okay to feel the way I do. And that I don't need to be okay.

See what I need right now is for one person to step forward and validate my feelings in this moment. And in future moments where I might be so consumed by emotions or thoughts, and just listen. Or maybe just sit there in silence.

Because while I appreciate the other statements they aren't what I need right now.

I need a friend who can sit with me and just acknowledge the pain with me and agree that it sucks. Sometimes in moments of weakness or pain, I am not going to be ready to solve and dissect every problem. I am consumed by whatever is going on, and I just need someone who can be there without judgment.

I need a friend who can just look and know I am not okay, but not try to make me okay in the process.

For once I just need a friend who can be less of the advice giver and more of the listener. To be more of the person I can just in silence with and not feel pressured to figure everything going wrong out. 

Because truth is, I am not okay. And I don't want to be told or feel like in that moment I need to fix everything right away.

I just want to be able to sit, and if I am ready to talk about bits and pieces of it all with someone I don't have to worry will pass judgment on me.

And if you're that friend…if you're that someone ... I need you right now.

I need you in my life, in my space, in my vicinity because it would make working through whatever is going on a million times better.

So if you're that person please come. Please sit by me and let me know you're there.

Because what I need right now is a friend who is ready to be there. 

So I can be there in return.

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