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Because When I Feel Broken, He Pulls Me out of My Darkness

When I look into his eyes, I see someone who changed my life forever. I think about him and I think of a guy who loves me tenderly and selflessly. 

When I tried to push him away in the midst of my worst rock bottom, he lifted my head up and made me learn how to breathe once again.

Because I was drowning. I was a sinking ship lost in an ocean of loneliness and helplessness. I was in a place that no one dared to enter into in order to help me. 

I was a lost boat floating along a bay that bordered pain and happiness, that no one wanted to cross. Except him. 

Every day I used to wake up and put on a fake act. 

A fake mask. A fake smile. A fake personality and an overall fake image. I was living a lie to try to measure up to what I thought other people wanted me to be. 

I tried to put myself on hold in order to be the perfect social butterfly, and be at every party, dinner, and event that “everyone was going to be at.” 

I let myself sink into a hole of deception of what living is supposed to be.

I didn’t care who’s hearts I broke or who I used to my own advantage. I didn’t take the time to lend a hand to people who always had my back or made an effort to be in my life. 

Truthfully, I just went through the motions each day, doing the same selfish and unfulfilling thing over again. No matter how much I tried to be perfect, I just never quite got it. And I felt more and more miserable. Until him. 

He showed me what being kind and generous is. 

He broke apart the image I allowed myself to hide behind and made me see just how miserable lying to everyone really is. Because that’s all I was. A lie.

I let people see myself as a tough cookie who did nothing but start a fire with every step she took. Someone who had it all together and had no regrets. A girl who didn’t give a crap if she had self-respect or not. All too prove other’s “wrong.” 

Though I was the only thing wrong with myself and my life.

He came in when I was suffocating myself in my own pool of shame. He pulled me out of the sea and brought me back to life again. I wanted to be better because of him. 

He pushed me to be a better person and to get rid of not only the pressure of perfection but the unhealthy habits that came with it. 

Now, I can breathe in deeply, in the most beautiful way, as I lay here on his chest taking in every moment of thankfulness I have for him

And the love that’s even deeper.