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At This Point, There's Nothing My Heart Can Do to Forget You

Everyday something happens and there you are, popping around in my head. Some days it's first thing in the morning, others it's during the absolute busiest time of my day, and my favorite is when it happens at night when I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling (yeah, total sarcasm).

We spent so much time making memories that were so easy for you to forget. Two years of good, bad, ugly, happy, sad, and angry memories and just like that you threw your hands up and walked away without a fight. 

Long conversations, constantly texting each other, spending pretty much all of our time together. We became best friends on a completely different level than I have ever had a best friend before. You knew my thoughts before I thought them and I knew your darkest demons and begged them to come out and play. 

The littlest things make you appear. The person I knew and loved, not the stranger you are now. The memory of not seeing you for months because I had to go away for my own sanity, staying up and talking to you until six in the morning, catching up. 

Watching movies and laughing about how dumb they were. Crying with you because I wasn't sure what to do with my life. It was then that I knew, you were my forever. It was then that I let you into a part of my heart no one has ever gotten into before. It was then that I gave you all of me.

Thousands of memories come flooding back at any given second of any given day. You haunt me like a ghost. There's a  saying, the hardest thing you can do is grieve the loss of someone that is still living, I never understood it until now. 

Why is it hard? Because you chose to leave me, you wanted to become a memory, you decided to end the possibility of more memories.

If a genie came and gave me three wishes, I wouldn't wish to forget you or the memories we shared. I would ask to go back to that time I had the chance to tell you that I wanted you forever. 

To feel that again and never lose it. To go back to the night that you fell asleep with your head in my lap watching a movie. 

To the first time you told me you loved me and I'd ask you to tell me again and again because hearing those three words from you meant the entire world to me.

But there are no genies, there are no go backs, and there are no do overs. So I will hang on to those memories and feel the sadness of losing you as well as the happiness that you happened. 

You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory, and every moment I had with you is now a memory I will cherish forever.

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