An Open Letter to the Lover of an Addict

Sometimes, they are the absolute best thing in your life. Other times, however, they’re also the biggest destruction. You know, you just know, that they could beat this. Walk away and live a life full of unknown adventure. To you, this is simple. To them, you are dreaming of a fairytale.

I hate we had to meet this way. 

You’re reading this article right now because somebody, somewhere, crossed your mind. You loved them. Trusted them. Maybe you even were harmed by them. What a mistake you have made. 

They do not understand what they are, and who you are. 

Yes, I said what. Because this is not who they are. Not even close. The hefty words they threw at you, the distance and coldness directed towards you, the deep rooted depression and risky manic moods, none of those are who they really are. All the things they do that could hurt them so badly, and hurt you so often, that could so easily be stopped by simply, well, stopping.

And you start to wonder if they can see who YOU are. How much they mean to you, hoping you mean as much to them. Can they see how much you have done, and would do, for them? Do they know that you know why they borrowed money? Why they stormed out into the night after an argument only to return relatively “normal”? Do they see their faces hollowing? Their speech slurring?

The answer is yes. 

They can see their bodies withering away. They know how much you care for and would do for them. They know the answer is to stop.

 “But God, its so hard to stop.”

Some are in denial. But they can see it. And believe me when I say, it was not their intention to become the person they are when submerged in substance relief. They are most often broken, fragile people, pieced back together time and time again by their own hands, the substance becoming their glue. They are like angels with no wings. Eventually, they will be caught in the Hell. They didn’t mean to hurt anybody. They wanted to escape their own pain, the demons that brought them to this darkened place.

That does not mean that they were right to treat you such a way. There is no excuse for the things an addict can do to loved ones.

You do not have to live with the roller coaster of an addictive lifestyle. It can take away from a person’s whole life without them ever having participated. It takes a special person to continue in love with an addict when they, themselves, are not.

You do not owe anyone anything. It can be a toxic, tumultuous environment. It can slowly pick away at your pieces, too. If you want to leave, you can. Nobody can stop you. Your health is just as important as theirs. If you choose to stay, know that there will be hardships until the addict comes to terms with their habits and demons. You can not force an addict clean. It will never happen unless they want it to.

Forgive yourself, and the addict you love. Pray for them. Hope for a better life for them, as well as yourself. There are a lot of conflicting emotions you are feeling right now, and I hope you do what is truly best for you. You were always good enough, and they knew you were special. That life is hard to leave, so don’t blame yourself or them. It was just bad choices, and you both have many more to make. Don’t dwell on the what ifs that  constantly flow through your mind.

There is hope for all, loved ones and addicts.