An Open Letter to Myself: You Don't Need Him

Stop crying over him. Stop calling him. Stop texting him. 

Don't you see he doesn't care? He doesn't want you right now and he's already with someone new. 

So why are you fighting for him so hard? Why are you wasting your days crying in bed while he is out with her or his friends? You should be out. You should be living and loving yourself.

I know you have been through hell all your life and I know you blame yourself for everything. But it's time to stop blaming yourself. You made mistakes, you can't go back and fix them. You're human and it's okay. 

He left. He choose to leave and give up and that isn't entirely your fault. It's not your fault he didn't understand you or the way your depression took over you at the most unconvient times. 

It's not your fault he couldn't handle you. It's not your fault you feel hard to love.

So get up, get out of bed, stop crying over him because he isn't crying over you. There will be times you will miss him and you will want to blow his phone up, don't. He isn't texting you nor is he calling you. He isn't worried about you right now.

Now get up and start loving yourself and I know you have no idea to but figure it out. 

Stop worrying about all these people who leave you when times get rough, or the people who broke your heart. They don't deserve your tears and quite frankly it's not your fault that they couldn't handle the bad parts of you. 

So stop hating yourself. Stop crying. They are not worth your precious tears.

One day you will not hurt anymore, you will wake up and you will see him and he won't phase you anymore. I know you love him. I know you care about him, but he doesn't want you right now. I know it will be hard, but a month from now you won't feel this way.

So stop letting him bring you into your dark hole. Rise up. Go out and love yourself. Do stuff alone. Go do what you love. Go be on your own again. You don't need him and you never did. You may want him but you don't need him.

Get up and smile because you're beautiful inside and out and relationships don't work out anyway and they just make people cry. So have a relationship with yourself instead.

Treat yourself to dinner, shopping, or to a walk with your dog.

Treat yourself. Love yourself. Stop blaming yourself because this won't matter years from now.