Sweatpants are awesome. So is my baggie hoodie. Grocery shopping is not. It totally freaking sucks.
I have to do it so I might as well be comfortable right? I'm also not going to do my makeup. My husband is at work – so I'm going to take my daughter and both my stepkids.
At least some of my tattoos are covered by my wonderfully comfortable attire, but my multiple facial piercings are not. I'm digging the way my bright green hair looks in a messy bun. We'll call it shabby-chic.
I already know what people will say while we're out. It's usually the same things. I also know what I could say in return.
1. When they say: You have your hands full.
I could say: Three is a lot to handle, good thing I left the other six at home.
2. What do the kids think of your hair?
They think a unicorn pooped on it.
3. What about your piercings and tattoos?
I'm taking them to the tattoo parlor later to get their own.
4. What are you going to do when they're all teenagers?
Drop them off at an orphanage. Any recommendations?
5. Where are their dads?
If only I knew their names I could find out.
6. Are you going to have more?
Just a few. Like, seven, maybe thirteen.
7. It goes by faster than you think.
I don't think. I just make babies.
8. You should have waited until you were older.
I would have but my sex addiction got the best of me.
As much fun as it would be to see the faces, I'll instead give them a polite answer and continue my shopping. I won't share my sarcastic responses, because it wouldn't set a good example, and I'm actually a pretty good mom. But we should probably keep that a secret."