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5 Things to Keep in Mind When Loving an Addict

All too many know the pain of loving an addict. There’s a certain conflict of emotions that come along with caring for someone that cares about a substance more than they care about you.

Whether you like it or not, you will more than likely feel anger. You’ll be pissed about the lying and manipulating.

You’ll feel inadequate, as if your love is not enough to save them from their problem. As if you could not be enough to help them. You will pity them for their dependency, but you will also be hopeful.

You will be hopeful about their future, their battle with substance abuse, and their ability to overcome.

When you love and addict, there are certain things you will want to remember to make it easier for you to stay supportive in their life while keeping your heart shielded and keeping your perception of their addiction from becoming a fantasy.

1. Do not enable their addiction.

I’m going to say it again, for impact. Do not enable their addiction. This can mean anything from loaning them money when you know what it’s going towards to forgiving every single relapse.

When you enable their substance abuse, you allow them to continue on the path they’re headed down without consequences. This will only allow the addiction to continue.

2. Addiction changes people.

When you think about your loved one, you don’t see someone that would normally ruin their own life and purposefully hurt the people that care about them.

You see the person you loved before the disease. You see the brother you grew up with, you see the gentleman you fell in love with, you see the mother that was loving, and you see the friend that you grew up with.

Now, they’re anew.They are so overcome by this disease that they will sacrifice almost anyone and anything for their next high.You can’t only see them as the person you knew, because they aren’t fully that person anymore.

3. Addiction is selfish.

When your loved one is an addict, above all else, they care about their substance of choice. Their actions are going to be selfish.

They are going to hurt you and it’s going to seem as if they don’t care. They do, in most cases. In many cases, guilt and self-loathing drive the addiction. It destroys everything in it’s path, the addict included.

4. Addiction is a disease.

It can be so frustrating at times. You wonder why they can’t just stop, why they can’t give up this toxic lifestyle. They have so much to lose and everything to gain by just giving it up. Addiction is a disease, a mental health problem. It is a dependency, mind and body, on some substance.

Their mind remembers only the good things, the fun times they’ve had while drunk or high and their body craves the substance. It’s a double edged sword. And it takes a great amount to strength to overcome.

5. Your feelings are valid.

Loved ones of addicts often feel guilt because of the emotions they feel towards the addict. Yes, it is a disease. Yes, it is hugely difficult to overcome.

You can’t feel bad for being angry or frustrated. Your feelings are valid. You are allowed to feel hurt by the victim of addiction, a disease of this nature is going to hurt you. It is going to upset you and make you mad. That’s okay, so don’t feel bad about not texting them back about something.

Being supportive of an addict is hard. You want to show that you love them and care for them, but you absolutely cannot sacrifice your own sanity in order to help them. Be it someone you’ve known your entire life, or someone you’ve only known for a couple of years, they do know that you care about them.

Do not be manipulated.

Do not encourage the addiction.

Stay strong.