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5 Steps to Becoming The Right Woman

You wake in the bed you make, sometimes with dirty sheets and your clothes thrown about the floor, sometimes to a surprise I’m sorry for being a dick last night breakfast, sometimes to a stranger, sometimes to a friend in need of comfort, sometimes by a friend who comforted you sometimes to new beginning sometimes to a final end and sometimes you wake up alone.

Either way, whatever scenario and whatever happened the previous night you wake in the bed you make. Often girls wonder why am I still single? All my friends are getting engaged, what’s wrong with me?  When they really should be asking; How am I making my bed? And do I want to lie in it?  I try and tell myself don’t focus on finding the right man instead focus on being the right woman; make the bed you want to lay in. How? Well, let me help you out, here are 5 Steps to Becoming The Right Woman:

Step One: Educate Yo Sef 

The best thing you can give yourself as a woman is an education. Find out what you love, what you’re good at, what your dreams are and learn how to accomplish them. This gives you drive, and ambition and focus. Women need focus because we are easily distracted by penises and shiny objects (very rarely if you’re familiar with the Prince Albert [which funny story I often got confused with the Arnold Palmer in college] are sometimes one in the same) As Beyoncé says give it up for my college grads, because girls we run the mutha

Step Two: Career Path 

The CAREER, is that a four letter word? Bc apparently us “millennials” (according to the sexist recruiter prick that interviewed me) are daft to this term. However, it should be at the top of our Daily Vocabulary App! And choosing your career should be to us -no longer even trendy to be feminist Bc women are literally running this shit- females out there as important as choosing a mate or the newest fall hair trend to follow (Bc bitch we all know you can’t pull of ombré) So sit down with your older wiser mentor, college advisor, mom and dad or (like me) your got her shit together and a 10 year plan (like what) bestie and figure it out! 3-5 years, that’s a career, grow from there.

Step Three: Your God Given Talent  

What has everyone always told you that you’re good at? You’re pretty face? You’re amazing vocals because you can hit those Mariah Carey notes when we’re all singing along to “Fantasy” in the car sounding like someone’s strangling a bag of cats? Writing? Art? Music? Math? What is it? Find a way to profit from it, if you were born with a gift live with that gift, plant that gift, water it every day and watch it grow into something amazing because that will be your gift back to this life. 

Step Four: Building a Foundation

The producers of the show “Friends” were asked why they wouldn’t put together a reunion show and Marta Kauffman replied “The show Friends went on for 10 seasons when the characters were between the ages of 25-35 because that is the time in your life where your friends are your family, then they went off to build families of their own.” This is the time of your life to surround your self with the people who will support you through all the bullshit involved with Step One, Two and Three, build a house of brick and stone not of glass, because they will be strong enough to support the most important Step.  

Step 5: Follow Your Dreams

Sometimes I read this on bumper stickers or posters and I’m like DAH FUH? Like “follow” is that the right word? Because my dreams are not a clear path in my head, it’s more like Miley Cyrus’s Instagram up there, or like those dream collages you made in middle school -it’s pure crap and chaos. So try this instead “Write it down. Make it happen.” Write down what you want for your life and then take the steps necessary to make it happen …then do it. 

These are the things you need to be the “right” woman, an independent, self sufficient woman, capable of taking care of herself then you go out there and take your damn pick of princes throw him over your shoulder and march back to that castle you bought and decorated, that is the key to a real lasting relationship, total independence.