An uncensored, sassy mess of a person like you is gonna get judged on the daily, it's unavoidable. Good thing you don't give a single fuck.
1. You're the loudest one in your friend group. People can always hear you before they see you.
2. You can literally turn anything someone says into something dirty. "That's what she said" moments are too good to pass up…
3. … And no sentence is complete without a few "fucks" tossed in for good measure.
4. But you try to cut down on the swears in front of older folks and children. Key word being "try."
5. Your face tells it all. You can't be fake or lie to save your life.
6. The word vomit that spews from your mouth can be downright vile on occasion.
Your friends always tell you, "this is why we can't take you in public." Whoops, sorry not sorry.
7. People have to be warned before meeting you…
Because you can be truly offensive, even when you don't mean to be.
8. You're constantly getting weird looks from strangers…
Because you're socially awkward and always doing something bizarre.
9. You're surrounded by prim and proper, stuck-up bitches…
So you say even more fucked up shit just to freak them out – their scandalized reactions are priceless.
10. People tell you "you need to calm down" all. the. time…
But the only time you'll act ladylike is when you're in your coffin.
11. You have your go-to response to unwanted suggestions down pat…
"You can suck my non-existent dick." Simple but effective; a true classic.
12. You think you're hilarious, but no one else seems to.
Your razor-sharp wit is lost on the people around you.
13. You can't help but call people on their bullshit.
You're not just going to let it go when stories or excuses don't add up, you'll get to the bottom of that shit.
14. Your attitude scares guys away.
Turns out most of them can dish it out, but cannot take it.
15. You're constantly thinking "this is why I'm single."
But honestly, if he can't handle your filthy mind and brutal comebacks, he's not the one for you.
16. You're coming to terms with the fact that you'll be forever alone
Being a crazy cat lady can't be that bad, can it?
17. Let's be honest, most people don't understand your blunt personality.
Some of them even hate you for it, but you just shrug them off.
18. All you want is for people to love you for the asshole you truly are.
Is that really too much to ask?