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To The Ex-Girlfriend Who Needs to Move On From My Boyfriend

You know exactly what you’re doing. You know he’s with me, yet you continue to slyly make moves on him. What sucks the most is I know that even though you might miss him, the true motivation behind all of this is competition – which is annoying and shitty and it has to stop. We need to start to empower each other, want to see each other grow, instead of comparing and competing. 

You’re taking advantage of his kindness.

Every time you write to him, he will respond. Because this is who he is, he’s kind, and you know that. I know you want to see if you still have a pull on him – and that’s really your true motivation. But he won’t realize this, because only another woman can see that.

Every time you write to him, you’re hurting me. But the base of my hurt is not envy.

This isn’t about jealousy, it’s about respect.

My anger for you is stemmed from your lack of boundaries, from your lack of respect – for me, for our relationship, and for yourself.

You don’t get it. I’m not worried that he will betray me, leave me, or not be loyal to me in any way. I’m angry because women need to respect each other, build each other up. There is no winner or loser here, this isn’t some stupid competition. This is about having respect for each other, having respect for our relationship, especially when you know that if someone were to do this to you, it would hurt like hell, you would be furious.

You might be nostalgic.

The fact that he was once with you means you must be pretty cool. But right now, you need to look at his actions – he's with me. 

Best case scenario? You’ll get his attention for long enough that you two will reminisce about the past, you’ll get excited, you’ll suggest to meet. And even if you do end up meeting, he won’t ever stray – maybe you’ll catch him in a moment of nostalgia, a moment of weakness. And for a moment you’ll feel good about it, but you know him well enough to know that his heart is so big that he can connect with anyone for a moment. to meet. And even if you do end up meeting, he won’t ever stray – maybe you’ll catch him in a moment of nostalgia, a moment of weakness. And for a moment you’ll feel good about it, but you know him well enough to know that his heart is so big that he can connect with anyone for a moment. 

But at the end of the night, he’ll come home to me, and you’ll be left more frustrated than ever. Because our connection goes beyond anything transient, I’m in his heart and no moment with you can ever change that.

This isn’t a game for me.

There is no scorecard. This is my life. He is my life. I can tell you about the first time we met and my heart was unguarded and my soul was alive. I can tell you about how he looks at me, as if I’m the only thing in the world that he needs.

I can tell you about how I wipe his tears away as he shows parts of himself that he has never showed anyone. Don’t you see – this isn’t some petty competition – I give him all my love. And that loves changes him, makes him better. I’m with him in all the gritty moments of pain and self-doubt, and I love him more because of it. But you don’t see that, all you see is a shiny picture-perfect romanticized version of who he is and how your relationship was together. You’re bored. You’re lonely. Your motivations are selfish and desperate. And you're messing with real love. 

Let go for yourself.

I know he’s pretty amazing and I know how he must have made you feel when you were together. I know you felt understood. I know you felt loved. I know he’s alive, and intelligent and understanding. I know you miss all that. But that love that he gave you will always be there, and right now you need to love yourself.

All you really need to know is that he loves me. He’s with me. We’re happy. Respect me enough as a person to stop contacting the guy that I’m with, the guy who chooses to be with me every day. 

And if you don’t, watch out for my girl Karma. I heard she’s a bitch…Wink.