The Struggles Of Being A Childfree Female

Being childfree is basically a term that says that you don’t want to have or raise children – not now, not ever. With more women than ever before remaining childless, you’d think that society would have made it easier for us to accept it as a whole. Sadly, this isn’t the case. Here are some of the struggles I deal with as someone who has chosen the childfree lifestyle. 

  1. No one believes you about your choices, not even doctors. I had a freak accident pregnancy and gave the child up for an open adoption. I had badgered about a dozen doctors, begging and pleading for a sterilization process prior to her birth. I’m tokophobic, and very vocal about it. Despite all this, it STILL took over 8 years, a multitude of doctor visits, and having to go to a family friend for help before a single doctor took me seriously and tied my tubes. I can’t even begin to describe how much my blood boils when people tell me that “I’ll change my mind.”

  2. Everyone expects you to explain yourself. When you say that you don’t want kids, the reply you get is never anything along the lines of, “Okay, cool.” It’s almost always, “Why?” People will literally question you, poke you, and prod you until you give them an explanation…and no matter what you say, they won’t believe it’s a good enough explanation. 

  3. People actually might threaten you and get violent with you over it. I’m not joking, people have received death threats over the fact that they don’t want to reproduce. (This is actually why I’m publishing this anonymously.) Why they are so invested in the contents of my uterus is beyond me.

  4. Your dating pool shrinks significantly. Whether you would believe it or not, most men will want to have kids one day. Unfortunately, if you’re childfree, this is not something you every will want to do. It often feels like you’ve got to choose between forcing yourself to be a mom and staying single. I chose to be single. 

  5. Even when you meet a childfree guy, you have to worry about him lying about what he wants. It’s sad to say that many guys will lie about being childfree because they don’t believe that any woman would want to live without being a mom at one point or another. 

  6. A lot of people will automatically assume you’re a monster for not wanting kids. I’m called selfish because I don’t have kids. I’m also called hateful, a monster, and a generally terrible person. Clearly, I am. Because clearly, bringing in more people into an already overpopulated, overpolluted, hyperviolent world is a more selfless option. 

  7. People automatically disregard your opinions on parenting. Look, I’m not saying that I would have been a good parent. However, it doesn’t take someone who spends their days parenting kids to know when a kid is not being raised right. 

  8. You might actually lose friends over it, too. In the childfree community, many men and women alike lament losing their friends to parenthood. They simply have no time for us anymore.

  9. You’ll soon realize that people don’t understand that parenting isn’t for everyone. Every kid who is born should have a loving, capable family that will give them what they need to be a great person. Some people don’t have what it takes to be a parent, and when they do become parents, tragedies happen. We even have Child Protective Services because people who do become parents often shouldn’t. Why is it that so few people understand this? 

  10. Everyone just assumes you're the go-to babysitter. I might be okay with babysitting kids above a certain age, but the fact is that I'm childfree for a reason. Don't you think it'd be better to ask a professional to take care of your kids, anyway?

  11. Lastly, you always end up wishing that people would be okay with you just having a family of two. If you have someone you're in love with and a bunch of good friends, you're already way better off than most. Why do you need to have kids to love your life?