You’re a 20-something now. You’ve probably been in a couple of relationships. Maybe they were serious, maybe they weren’t.
You’ve watched all the movies and you’ve listened to all the songs and you’ve heard all the stories.
You have a pretty clear idea of what love is supposed to feel like – a stomach full of butterflies, a heart that is always content, a general affinity for all things happy and beautiful and soft.
Except, you’re almost 300% positive that you have never been in love.
Sure, you’ve been in relationships with people before, and you’ve felt pretty strongly about them, but there was always something detached, in the back of your mind. Something that told you that, if they left you, you would not be devastated.
And maybe that’s just because you are an independent woman who don’t need no man, but you can’t help but think that, perhaps, it’s because you’re not in love with them.
Intense feelings of affection? Those aren’t strange to you.
So you know what it’s probably supposed to feel like, but what you also know is that you’ve never felt it.
And it had been weird, when you were younger – you had friends in relationships in high school and you could see it in their eyes, how in love they were.
When your roommate broke up with her significant other, she cried and mourned for days and you made her Mac n’ Cheese for dinner and bought her ice cream and you sat and thought, “I have never felt this way.“
There has never been a moment where you thought that your world was coming to an end because of a relationship.
There has also never been a moment where your life was somehow elevated to some otherworldly plain of existence because of one, either.
Sure, you were happy. You liked them enough.
But your palms didn’t sweat and your heart didn’t pound and you were never quite comfortable enough to admit that you hated shaving your legs. You never introduced them to your family – not on purpose, anyway.
People might tell you that it’s because you’ve never been in a serious relationship and they could be right. Who knows?
All you know is that you have never been in love and when you were 18 and so wrapped up in their world, you thought it was because there was something wrong with you.
You have to realize that there is never anything wrong with anyone.
Sometimes, you just are.
You’re not in love now. You won’t be in love tomorrow.
But you’re in love with your bones and the sky and the way the sun shines through the trees and that’s enough for you.