9 Things That Happen When You Break Your Phone

You are minding your own business when somehow, some way, it happens… your phone ends up face down on the ground. You say a little prayer to yourself as you bend down to see if any damage has been done, and you are disheartened to see a cracked/dysfunctional screen when you flip it over.

A spider-web looking crack is bad enough as it is (since, you know, fiberglass in fingertips only is appealing to the Christian Grey’s in this world) but what really sucks is when your screen is totally inoperable. This is not like the good old days when you had your LG Voyager, where you practically had a backup phone by flipping it open to its full-keyboard feature (#bringoldcellphonesback.)

Once you come to terms with the fact that your phone is definitely broken, you are going to start understandably panicking… 

  1. You really want to cry, but you know that would be pathetic so you use all of your might to hold it in… sadly, all of your might just isn’t enough, so whimpering starts to happen. You want to call somebody and vent about it, but wait a minute, YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOUR PHONE IS BROKEN.
  2. This is where you start to use your favorite four letter words, which include but are not limited to: fuck, shit, damn and ughh.
  3. Fear creeps in: what if you are missing important texts, phone calls or messages in your GroupMe? Should you let anybody know that you are without a form of commuication that is not face-to-face or done through means of carrier piegeon? What if the love of your life finally got the courage to tell you he loves you back and you totally missed your opportunity? Even worse, what if when you get your phone fixed you realize nobody even called or texted you and you start to feel completely lonely in this big, big world. 
  4. You’ll then revert to denial. Even though your phone looks like John Cena just pounded it with a mallet, you still think that there has to be a way for it to get fixed.
  5. You will then go to the Internet to try and find some at-home remedy. Seriously, you’ll do just about anything to avoid going to your phone carrier, because you know your two year contract is not up yet and you are not trying to spend $500.00 on a new phone.
  6. This is where you try putting toothpaste in the cracks of your screen, because somebody once told you that it morphs the glass together like glue. You then realize that there is not enough toothpaste in the world to fix your phone.
  7. So now here you are, an idiot when a broken, toothpaste filled phone (or maybe that is just me that one time.) Regardless, you are now entering the, “why do bad things happen to good people,” phase. You begin to curse out Apple and your stupid two-year contract so hard that you would have thought they killed your family. But in reality, your phone is kind of like a family member (or an additional limb, whatever you want to see it as.)
  8. You finally find some tech company that will replace your phone screen for a fraction of the price, and though it is money that you do not have to spend, you will do it anyway because your phone is your life and you need to get back to your games of Candy Crush Saga.