40 Times You Really Wished You Weren't Hungover

Last night, you decided that it would be the best idea in the world to get completely and utterly obliterated.

And it might’ve been. It definitely was when you were throwing back that jaeger bomb.

But now it’s morning and there is literally nothing you regret more.

  1. When your S.O. won’t stop snoring, oh my god.
  2. They’re actually trying to rip your brain out of your eye sockets.
  3. And they expect you to meet their parents for lunch today?
  4. Maybe you can convince them that romantic dinners with quiet music and very little lighting are the way to go.
  5. But you have to try and get through work first and you regret not having your sunglasses.
  6. The sun is offending you. You have never been so angry at the sun.
  7. If the smell of the subway doesn’t make you hurl, the putrid stench coming off the man sitting next to you will.
  8. And then there’s all of those goddamn sirens.
  9. Why did you think living in the city was a good idea?
  10. Why are people always in trouble?
  11. You have never felt so inconvenienced by strangers.
  12. Every movement of the train car makes you want to throw yourself off the tallest building you can find.
  13. You would walk, but the sun is still a thing that exists.
  14. There is nothing worse than having a staff meeting when you’re pretty sure you’re sweating Svedka.
  15. You can actually feel vodka coming from your pores.
  16. Every time your boss wrinkles their nose, you sink further into your chair.
  17. Don’t look at me, don’t look at me, don’t look at me.
  18. This is the fourth time you’ve refilled your water bottle and the third bathroom break in an hour.
  19. Your stomach isn’t liking any of this back and forth, not at all.
  20. And then there’s that one time your best friend wanted to have a celebratory birthday weekend…
  21. But you’ve been out for the count 6AM Friday morning as a result of a brutal Thirsty Thursday.
  22. They’ve got two days left to party, they can’t be tamed, but you are on the highway to the porcelain gods.
  23. But today is cleaning day.
  24. You can’t quite bring yourself to scrub the bathroom.
  25. Hello there toilet, dirty old friend.
  26. And do you remember that time it was your mom’s birthday and you were supposed to go out for brunch.
  27. That’s the actual funniest thing you’ve ever heard because you can’t even feel your legs.
  28. Thinking about brunch makes you want to die.
  29. You’ve never wished more for your mom to come and dress you like you were a baby again.
  30. She gets a mimosa and you don’t think you can ever look at orange juice the same way.
  31. Then she asks you about school and do you remember that paper you were going to write today? The one that’s due tomorrow?
  32. No you don’t.
  33. You don’t even know what day it is.
  34. Or there’s that time where you tried to tell yourself that your 8AM class was really, super important…
  35. But the way you couldn’t seem to get out of bed without your stomach ending up in your throat said otherwise.
  36. Maybe there would be a makeup exam…
  37. Besides, your roommate is in the shower and you have to resist the urge to vomit over the side of your bed.
  38. You’re a big kid now, though. You can wait for the bathroom.
  39. No you can’t.
  40. Basically, every time you have ever been hungover, ever.