25 Struggles of a Life with Long Hair

If you’ve been growing those locks of yours for a while, you know how it is:

  1. Everybody always wants to play with it. Get off my hair. 
  2. It’s always getting caught in somebody’s watch. Lookin’ at you, boyfriend. 
  3. You can’t swing a bag around without your hair getting swept up in it. Ouch. 
  4. When you zip your coat up, your hair always gets trapped in the collar. 
  5. It takes about 5-10 minutes just to tie all of it up. 
  6. The hair ties they make nowadays aren’t big enough. I have a scrunchie only policy.  
  7. It takes at least ten minutes and several hair flips just to blow dry the hair. 
  8. You’re really tired of everyone commenting on how long your hair is. Way to point out the obvious, guys. 
  9. You sometimes accidentally slap somebody in the face with your hair when you flip it. It’s oddly satisfying. 
  10. Lord forbid you wear any type of dangly earring. Guess I’ll be untangling this for the next hour. 
  11. In fact, almost anything has the potential to get twisted up in there. Earbuds, lollipops, pens…
  12. If you leave your hair in a bun for longer than six hours, it starts to tangle for no reason. As if it decides to fuse together in some twisted hair wedding. 
  13. People often ask why you only have one look. Because it’s enough work just to maintain this one – I’m not going to start a whole new process with all of this.
  14. Even if you brushed it 1000 times, at the end of the day you’ll still look like a swamp witch if you don’t restyle. 
  15. People think that you might be a hippie. I just like my hair long.
  16. People are so distracted by your hair, they don’t even notice the rest of your face. Oh yeah, you look just like Ariel. You know, because you both have long hair. 
  17. You shed more than most small animals. Ah, I left some more of my DNA in that door frame/shower/playground swing. Now you can clone me. 
  18. Whoever said that you only need a quarter size drop of conditioner was clearly a man, or bald. That bottle should last me about…48 hours. 
  19. Your hair will not yield to hair spray or hair ties for long, because it has taken on a life of its own. 
  20. You have nightmares about your hair falling out. 
  21. You can’t put on sunscreen, eat soup, or have an ice cream cone without leaving some of it in your mane. 
  22. The bottom part of your hair is about three shades lighter than the top. It’s not Ombre, it’s just the passing of sun-kissed time. 
  23. If there’s a hair in your food, you automatically assume it’s yours. 
  24. Your hair often smells like a bar floor the night after drinking. It’s kind of like a sponge. 
  25. you have to make an effort to keep your hair away from an open flame. That’s just kindling.

Despite all of the pitfalls, though, it’s still pretty awesome to have long, flowing mermaid hair.