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22 Tinder Turn Offs that Have to Stop

Yeah, yeah—we know that we’re probably not going to find Prince Charming on Tinder. But it’s the 21st century, so most of us have at least dipped a toe in the digital dating sea. We’re not expecting too much, Tinder! But there are some things that just HAVE to stop, even on Tinder:

  1. Pics of dudes with hot girls. So… is that your girlfriend? Your ex? Your sister? Oh god, you’re grabbing her ass in that one, I HOPE it’s not your sister…
  2. Wait… is that a WEDDING PHOTO? Are you married? Bro. No.
  3. Group photos. WHICH ONE IS YOU?? This just makes me think that you’re using your more attractive friends to confuse me.
  4. Awwww, that guy has a dog! Oh whoops, I swiped right even though he’s not that cute at all. I just like his dog.
  5. Why are you holding a fish. I know that you caught that fish, but like. Why would I be turned on by a photo of a dead fish.
  6. Or a dead deer. Let’s just say no dead animals in any pictures.
  7. Shirtless mirror selfies. No face, just abs in a mirror. Nice and subtle, friend.
  8. Extra gross points if it’s a public bathroom shirtless mirror selfie.
  9. Or no photos at all. Who are you??
  10. When he starts the chat with, “you look beautiful :)” and then immediately goes into “sit on my face” with NO TRANSITION. Calm down, buddy.
  11. A bunch of fuzzy sport photos. Like… it’s great that you snowboard, but I can’t see your face and that makes me think you’re catfishing me.
  12. When you don’t reply right away and dudes PANIC. “Hey………… your so pretty” turns into “whatever ur a fat bitch” surprisingly quickly. Wow, ok guy, I was at work, but now I’m definitely not replying to you.
  13. Also grammar. I mean, the occasional wrong “its” is ok, but… aggressively bad grammar = no date.
  14. Bitter profiles. Dude, if you’re going to start with “nice guys finish last :(“ or “no bitches/princesses,” don’t be surprised if you DO finish last.
  15. One weird, blurry selfie and no other pictures.
  16. Bad pick up lines. Look, there’s a certain appeal to a cheesy pick up line. But if you’re coming right out of the gate with “was your dad a chicken farmer? cuz u look like u r good at raising cocks,” this is going to be a very short-lived relationship.
  17. Bios that say, “It’s going DOWN, I’m yelling TINDER.” Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. Swipe left.
  18. Pictures of cars. And only cars. Are you a transformer or something?
  19. Pictures of dudes with guns. Or knives. Or any weapon, really. Are you going to shoot me?
  20. Overly specific bios. “Swipe right if you can take a joke, drink beer, NEVER cause drama, like to cook, have blonde hair, love call of duty, and are named Stacey.”
  21. Or bios that are just a Snapchat handle. I’ll pass on the dick pics, thanks.
  22. Or bios that are just one pretentious quote. I know that’s a John Green quote, friend, you’re not fooling anyone.