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18 Things That Happen When You’re the Third Wheel

The only thing better than being totally and completely single is being totally and completely single when all of your friends are in long-term relationships. Fun, right?!

Now there’s nothing wrong with rocking the single life… but it can be a tad hard to do your solo thing when you’re hanging out with a pair of cutesy lovebirds. Barf.

  1. When you all go out to eat, you get an entire side of the booth to yourself. Yay… more room to think about how I’ll be alone forever…
  2. Why are sidewalks so narrow? Why are you always stuck walking slightly behind them, like you’re their sullen teenage child?
  3. The PDA. Oh dear god, the PDA.
  4. Where are you supposed to look when they start kissing each other? You can’t look at them. So you end up staring blankly into space and willing your body to melt into the earth.
  5. The kissing is pretty gross. And yet somehow when they tenderly brush food off each other’s faces it’s SO MUCH WORSE.
  6. Or they start with the pet names. No one should ever call another human being sugar lips.
  7. There’s always that one awkward cab or bus ride where you somehow end up sitting in between them. Let me out… LET ME OUT…
  8. You end up focusing on your meal way more than you normally would. Yup, you two are cuddling again… just gonna eat my fries… at least you love me, fries…
  9. And you probably end up drinking more than usual. Good thing I’m here with my date, alcohol…
  10. You try not to lose it when they start giving you unsolicited relationship advice. Oh, you guys think I should PUT MYSELF OUT THERE MORE? Why didn’t *I* think of that???
  11. I appreciate that you guys are trying to be nice, but PLEASE stop saying that I’ll “find someone someday.”
  12. Sometimes they take pity on you and try to set you up with someone so all four of you can double date! But the people they set you up with are usually so blah that you start to think your friend secretly hates you or something.
  13. And then other times you thought it would just be you and your bestie chilling and SURPRISE, their new boo shows up with no warning. Look guys, just give me a heads up. So I can mentally prepare for pretending to text all night while you guys stare at each other.
  14. If your friend has told you anything weird about their lover or their sex life, then you are going to spend the whole evening thinking about that one weird thing.
  15. You’re really very happy for your friend for having a new S.O. But if you have to watch them slow dance while you awkwardly dance on your own ONE MORE TIME, you’re really going to lose it.
  16. And then there are those infinite stretches of time when your friend is in the bathroom, and you’re just hanging with your friend’s bae. It’s not that you don’t like your friend’s bae. It’s just that there are only so many times you can ask, “So what was your major again?” before it’s rude.
  17. Once in a while you and your best friend’s S.O. actually do have a pleasant conversation (about how much you both love your BFF, of course), and you can kinda see why your friend likes them so much.
  18. But then your friend comes back and they start making out.