18 Signs You're in a Relationship with Netflix

It’s Friday night, and you’re going to snuggle up in bed with a bottle of wine, some Ben and Jerry’s and your favorite online streaming website, your one true love… Netflix. Netflix is always there for you, providing a reasonable simulation of human contact for less than $8 a month! No judgement, though. If you have any doubts that you're in a relationship with Netflix, here are the signs. 

  1. You have chosen Netflix over interacting with real live people.
  2. You have lied in order to stay with Netflix and not interact with real live people. You’re, uh… babysitting tonight. You’re definitely "not" staying home binge watching House of Cards.
  3. You think you’re free of Netflix’s seductive pull, but then the next episode just starts by itself. And the next episode. And the next episode…
  4. Sometimes you try to leave Netflix, but other websites just don’t get you. Hulu, no one wants to watch commercials anymore. It’s 2015! Haven’t we moved on as a society?!
  5. WHY MUST THERE BE A THEME SONG AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY EPISODE? Surely Netflix knows that you’re watching season 2 of Stranger Things in one sitting and you don’t need to hear that song every time so WHY IS NETFLIX DOING THIS TO YOU?
  6. Netflix knows all your secrets. You would never tell anyone else that you watch that many documentaries about ancient aliens.
  7. You take it personally when Netflix takes movies off streaming. Where did Love Actually go?! It was just there?! You didn’t even have time to say goodbye…
  8. You also take it personally when Netflix asks you if you’re still watching. How can you ask that, Netflix? Would I ever leave you?
  9. You say you’re just going to watch one episode… but you can’t lie to your true love, Netflix.
  10. Your friends all think this new relationship is taking over your life…
  11. But they all get along with Netflix too. Sometimes you all hang out with Netflix together, and he fits right in.
  12. Your friends are sick of hearing your opinions on the 4th season of Arrested Development, though.
  13. You’ve gone a really long time without leaving bed. Really long. You don’t want to talk about it.
  14. You can’t remember what it was like to watch tv on a television. What, like you have to wait until certain times to watch certain shows? History is fascinating.
  15. You judge actual love interests based on their watching preferences. If you guys can’t watch 30 Rock together, why bother?
  16. Your Netflix account knows you so well. Why yes, Netflix, I do enjoy Disney’s Hercules! How did you know?
  17. Hitting that last episode of a favorite show is rough, man. What do you mean, those are all the episodes of Bob’s Burgers on streaming right now? This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone.
  18. BUT, when you find that new tv show to binge watch, you fall in love all over again. Oh, Netflix. So dreamy.