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15 Lies You Tell Yourself on a Tinder Date

First dates can be awkward enough as it is without you finding something wrong with your partner in the first twenty minutes. He won’t stop checking his phone. His breath smells. He has a unibrow.

Tinder dates are no exception. In fact, they can get even weirder.

But it’s okay, you think. It’s just one date. Maybe the next one will be better.

Stop lying to yourself.

1. His profile picture is blurry (you really hope he’s not the ugly blob to the left) and he used a (lame) pickup line, but you think he might be worth the shot.

Mistake number one.

2. You think this is gonna be a date-date. This guy could become your next boo-thang.

Gurl, you know what Tinder is for.

3. Telling your friends that they don’t need to stake it out because you can handle yourself.

No you can’t. You need an easy escape plan.

4. You’re waiting for him for twenty minutes, but he’s probably just grabbing you flowers or something. How sweet!

You never know!

5. Except he’s definitely the guy waving at you from the bus stop, but you didn’t recognize him because his hair is longer.

Not because he’s 30lbs heavier and six years older.

6. When he goes in for a hug, he has sweat stains in his pits and what you’re sure is ketchup on his shirt but that’s fine, he was just in a rush.

He definitely wasn’t the ugly blob to the left. Not at all.

7. The restaurant is so charming in a peeling wallpaper, threat of asbestos, blood on the table cloth kind of way.

You tell yourself that it’s not his money you’re interested in! (It’s obviously his devilish good looks and charm and wit.)

8. He doesn’t talk at all but that’s fine, he’s just nervous. You talk a lot when you’re nervous – it balances out!

You’re perfect together.

9. And, if he does speak, it’s all about him, but he’s just trying to make a good impression.

You’re definitely impressed.

10. He tells you he’s not being rude to the waiter – it’s constructive criticism.

That makes sense! He was raised in a tough love household.

11. He doesn’t offer to pay or split the bill, but that’s because he’s progressive. He’s letting you take charge! 

It’s not that he’s broke.

12. You so don’t mind giving him a ride home because he took a bus and they’ve stopped running. Maybe he’ll invite you in!

Always a bright side.

13. You let him change your radio presets to music you wouldn’t be caught dead listening to and he touches your knee because he’s trying to set the mood.

You know what Tinder is for.

14. You walk him to his porch and you’re having a moment (you are! An okay moment!) but then his mom opens the door. She’s probably just visiting…Yea, that’s it.

Maybe you need to leave, thank you for the wonderful night, please don’t call.